Quote Originally Posted by sarahcsc View Post
...

What is the purpose of this forum then? Is it to slap people in the face with a hit of reality? Or is it to nurture one's dreams and fantasies so that they may one day take the leap?

...

Okay, so I'm not the first officer of the USS Enterprise, neither am I Vulcan or Betazoid, but I've spent a great deal of my time travelling and exploring places others would never dream to go and my job consists of being empathetic and logical at the same. Do you understand this analogy?

Your surgeon tells you both sides of the story, that is, "hair transplant could restore some of your hair", but the "hair restored is most likely to be modest and it could potentially fail".

This is merely a fact he tells you, you decide if that panders to your fantasies or not. If you chose to focus on the fact that it could "restore your hair", then you are pandering to your fantasies. If you chose to focus on the fact that the "hair restored is modest and could potentially fail", then you are pandering to your need for reality.

It has nothing to do with the surgeon if he was indulging your fantasies or not. People do that for themselves.
I think we are discussing different aspects of dreams/fantasy. One is unrealized - yet realistic - possibility. This serves as an important internal driver, even when it FEELS unrealistic or unachievable. The other is escapism. It doesn't drive toward solutions, it drives away from them. There is a place for that in life, too, but not here, IMO.

I do understand your point on logic and empathy. It is a balance for which I strive but don't seem to hit often enough. My need to be rigorous and exhaustive produces writing that is perceived as aggressive and intimidating, unfortunately.

As far as the forum's purpose, it is nominally support and on transsexual topics only. The need, from a support perspective, isn't coaxing people from dream to realization because the problem that typically presents is confusion. Fantasy interjects primarily in the form of unrealistic, escapist scenarios when it comes from these people. Its continuance is enabled when people feed it.

So what about the realization of real things, then? Support for this happens ALL THE TIME HERE. Why doesn't anyone recognize this? It may be as gentle as encouraging someone to go out, to experiment. It can be experiential when people recount how they got around their fears. It can be consoling and forgiving when it comes to failures and backsteps. But it doesn't happen until a measure of clarity and need has emerged, nor should it. To encourage someone down that path before they are ready is dangerous and destructive.

As I recall, you are a doctor. If so, I hope you won't be offended by this, but giving medical advice, whether presented in factual form or not, is never a mere presentment of facts. In any event, I didn't say he pandered ... I (effectively) said he did not. Your self-indulgence (better than "pandering" I think) point is valid and that does happen regularly in the forum.