Christina,

I don't see much to add that others haven't already said, except my own experience and what I learned after I came out in 2012. My backstory is a lot like others, but being a research and theoretical scientist I am trained to seek the why in most everything from toothpicks to the nature of the Universe. I spent much of 2013 researching. I read loads of peer reviewed journals, went back and traced the history of trying to find out what causes this behavior, examined statistical analyses until my eyes were ready to fall out. I read theses and dissertations, talked to specialists. All the while searching for the why in me. What it all came down to is that nobody really knows why some people are gender reversed to various degrees. It ranges from crossdressers that generally still identify with their native sex and its typical gender behaviors but prefer to wear clothes of the opposite sex and traditional, stereotypical gender, to the gender fluids of a million varieties and all the others leading up to the transmen and transwomen. One can find evidence for explanations ranging from genetics to trauma reactions to all kinds of childhood experiences to most anything you can dream up. I think the best conclusion at this point is that this behavior is caused by all kinds of different things and so long as it doesn't do harm to others it should be accepted by others as well as those who are "afflicted with this strange malady." In a word, it is who you are and the reason you are this way is probably not even identifiable. So, what comes out of it? Pretty much what everybody else has said. You probably cannot explain it and you have no real need to justify it either. Enjoy it to the extent that you are able. In some cultures it is considered a very special gift that most never, ever experience. In others it is more of a curse. We are very complex creatures and we all see and experience the world a little differently. That is an asset that humans should cherish and celebrate. Be honest, be open, be fair, be compassionate, and enjoy the special journey you are on. It is different for sure; but it apparently is also just human. I finally came to realize that both cisgender people and the many varieties of transgender people really have no idea whatsoever what it is like to be a member of the other group. We can't see the world through the eyes and minds of others and if you happen to be a little or a lot gender variant then own it and live it in the way that makes you most comfortable, most happy, and most real. You may have to do some compromising once in awhile, but the others will have to do that as well. Nothing wrong with that. But it is most unhealthy to hide yourself from everyone. Embrace you but be considerate of others as well. And by the way, you look really great.

Gretchen