I am having daily mind melts.

[Exris]

Thankyou both.

Her "speculation" has never ceased since she was given access to one of my computers many... many years ago. I didnt clean the .DAT file.

This was a long time ago. The internet was a new thing. I had had this "special interest" for years before. The internet did not create this in me. It just allowed me to explore it.

But I am not trying to be offensive to anyone. I am one of you. This was early 2000's. There were not the websites and help groups there are now. Nor the understanding. There were a few really crappy porn sites that had a "Chicks with dicks" section. I wasnt interested in the dick part. I was very interested in the "how chick can you be with a dick" part if you get me.

She saw that at the time. It was a major part of our disintegration. I still never said anything... even knowing it would lead to family breakup. She gave me a choice I suppose. But it was Hobsons choice.

And now many years later when we have nothing much to do with other except to make sure our daughter grows up to be the awesome woman I know she will be... THIS.

It is killing me internally. I have done nothing wrong. I feel constant humiliation. And I am not used to that. I am used to controlling a situation. I am used to setting the agenda. And I dont like this. I dont know how to proceed and move forward.

[Tracii G]

You learned its never good to socialize with ex's.
She played you and you bit on the bait.

[Joni T]

I collect ex-wives. I have 2. They're ex's for a reason. I don't/wouldn't care to socialize/see either one of them.
Jon-

[Becky Blue]

Alcohol and dressing, alcohol and ex wives, too much alcohol and most things ... no good can come from it... keep the drinking to moderate levels and our lives would be so much simpler.

[Tracii G]

Been married twice and burned twice so I hope you learned your lesson.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Exris, when it comes to alcohol and people there are drunks,sloppy drunks,fall down drunks,angry drunks and mean drunks. You have to realize that alcohol loosens inhibitions and all the "stuff" will come pouring out. Apparently she has not gotten over the "stuff" from your marriage. Unless shes willing to sit down and talk about the "stuff" you will be the proverbial punching bag when she feels like unloading. Just walk out of the room or house and shut it down because you really can't have a two way conversation with a drunk. For your health just walk away. It took me years to realize that my ex had issues too, including her drinking and I took the brunt of things because I thought I had to put up with a social drinker who had a mean streak when drinking.

You may end up having to become a parent who picks up and drops of the kids while visiting. Not the best situation, but better then whats happening now.

[ReineD]

It is killing me internally. I have done nothing wrong. I feel constant humiliation. And I am not used to that. I am used to controlling a situation. I am used to setting the agenda. And I dont like this. I dont know how to proceed and move forward.

So to clarify (please correct me if I've got this wrong), you are surprised at the negative assumptions she made about your motives during all these years? You're upset that she thought you did this for fetish, when your motive was not sexual? And you're upset that with all the time the two of you had been together, she didn't seem to know you any better than that?

I'll respond further after you tell me whether I've got it right or not.