No one is a "happy drunk", what is seen as "a little forceful" to a drunk can be interpreted as an assault by the other person. I've seen many women with bruises on their arms from 'happy' drunks who just wanted to dance and have a little fun. Not saying its you, just a reality check for you.
As far as your daughter is concerned focus on building a relationship with her, no matter what age, If your ex is wielding you being TG/CD over your head, then consider being open with your kid from an early age. there are posts here from members who have told their kids at a young age, and have wonderful relationships . Its not like its a disease or a mental defect in you. You have to figure out for yourself what it means to you first. Make friends within the community as Tracii suggests and focus on building a home and security for you kid when you have her.
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You appear to be having a panic attack over this and will greatly benefit from counseling and group therapy.
If you don't take care of yourself you cannot take care of anyone else.
Keep posting and reading.
