Exris, when it comes to alcohol and people there are drunks,sloppy drunks,fall down drunks,angry drunks and mean drunks. You have to realize that alcohol loosens inhibitions and all the "stuff" will come pouring out. Apparently she has not gotten over the "stuff" from your marriage. Unless shes willing to sit down and talk about the "stuff" you will be the proverbial punching bag when she feels like unloading. Just walk out of the room or house and shut it down because you really can't have a two way conversation with a drunk. For your health just walk away. It took me years to realize that my ex had issues too, including her drinking and I took the brunt of things because I thought I had to put up with a social drinker who had a mean streak when drinking.
You may end up having to become a parent who picks up and drops of the kids while visiting. Not the best situation, but better then whats happening now.
