So.
This is one place I can write this down.
My EX and I "kinda get along". We have to. We have a child together. Since me she had remarried and had 2 more kids. He turned out to be a violent arsehole - no surprise there. I knew him before they ever met (in a minor way) - tried warning her - was told I was interfering - and let her dig a new grave.
She is now divorced (again). But has a very weak boyfriend. She feels on top again I suppose. I am not hating on her but I know her very well. If she does not in some way have the upper hand in a relationship she feels unhappy. This guy is just perfect...
So back on track. I live along way from her and my daughter now. I sometimes come over and stay in a hotel. Usually tho... I stay at her house and she stays with the aforementioned carpet. I did this this Christmas. 5 days with my daughter. For reasons that dont matter much one night she had to stay in her own house. No problem... it's her house.
But it's Christmas. There is booze everywhere. I drank too much. She has little alcohol tolerance and drank too much too...
This isnt a post on "and then we went to bed and everything is great". We did not go to bed. Everything is not fine.
I do not exactly recall how the topic came up. But she accused me of being some kind of "non regular fetishist". Or words similar.
Remember... she looks after my kid. And her 2 others. And she was drunk. And angry.
She added 1+1 and got 879836236262786387253782537825387257825378253.
OMG! She screams at me. It's KIDS isnt it! You bleep bleep bleep....
WHERE HAD THAT COME FROM????? !!!!!!
I felt trapped. I had had a few... true. But conscious enough to know if this was what she thought I needed to get things straight right away.
I felt trapped.
So I told her. "I like to... dress up nice and pretty. I like to be pretty. I do not have sex with men and there is only one person that knows about this"... I told her who knows. She knows why he knows (A gay mutual friend that is perhaps the only person I can confide in). She is OK with him.
She is actually OK with me (now). But the more I think of this I realize without a shadow of a doubt I have been subject to speculation on what the secret is for years. And the natural suggestion... is THE WORLDS WORST accusation.
Iv been really bothered about it since. I am having what could be best described as daily "system crashes" if I were a computer.
I am on meds for a heart condition. It has gotten alot worse since this realization. I am appalled by the accusation - and appalled at the no-win way in which my secret was extracted from me.
Any advise? I could sure use some...