Ilene, I’ve been following this thread and trying to find whatever words I can to respond in some sort of meaningful way. In this situation I find myself utterly lacking. Although I am well into my forties and understand marriage, relationships, family, and all of that, it would be reckless for me to think that I could offer anything specific to you, your life experiences, or your situation no matter how much my heart is aching for you right now. But I will do my best to offer something in the hope that my words might mesh with the universal outpouring of sympathy from the wonderful people on this thread and offer an additional layer and dimension of comfort as possible.

My belief is this, and I don’t expect anyone else to agree or hold the same beliefs. I believe each of us, every person, is born with a basic human dignity. It is always with you. It doesn’t matter what clothes you wear, what you do for a living, how you identify yourself to yourself or to the world around you, it is there and no one can ever take it from you, though sometimes people will try.

When we become upset, angry, say or do potentially hurtful things, it is often because we have forgotten the dignity which we possess, but that’s okay! We all get out of balance within ourselves sometimes and forget. But the more we remember that we always possess this dignity, the easier it is to recover it when we forget. What’s more, the more we remember our own dignity, the easier it is to remember the basic human dignity possessed by the people around us, even in moments where they may have forgotten and have said or done things that are hurtful.

This can be a difficult thing to remember when we have forgotten basic human dignity within the long term life relationships of spouses, family, decades-long friendships, etc. After all, these are people that we have long histories with and know all of their demons as well as they know ours. Never the less, the dignity exists there too and can be remembered and recovered with a great deal of patience. The first key, I figure, is to remember your own, then it is easier to remember it in another even when they have yet to recover it.

Beings of light, we are, and the path to these things includes a great deal of love and patience.

My heart continues to ache for you and you are in my thoughts.