I admit I was thoughtless in the heated moment.Originally Posted by Kas
One thing that happened early in the heat was I asked her "What do you want me to do? Punch you in the face?" She was asking what I was going to do about her pinging on me. I have NEVER made a violent gesture towards her. Never once stuck her, raised a hand against her or hurt her physically in any way. I am totally anti-women's violence. There's no excuse for it ever. AND.... she knows this at heart and for real.
The primary thing I did was be 6'3"/ 215 lbs.; angry and clenching my fists and smoking mad. I was standing on the other side of the kitchen island counter when it happened. But she stated that she didn't feel safe and was calling the cops. She didn't, and I departed (with my clothes being tossed out behind me).
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An interesting take. I assume you are referring to my entire transition life prior to this explosion, and perhaps you were following it.
I'm interested (and not upset by any means of your interpretation)..... how exactly do you feel I was getting way out front of myself.
Appreciate your reasoned response. I might learn something.
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Macey.
Thanks for the extended response.
Oh you betcha, I totally lost my composure. It was a lot like a drowning experience where I went from "I'm OK. I'm OK".....Holy Shit, I'm dying!" It happens and flashes that quickly. I forgot my own dignity and it really bothers me. In my past and professional life, I've been in some literal Life & Death drag out meetings with Officers or other people, and NEVER lost my cool.
But this.... wow. You know a Loved One can push all the right and wrong buttons.
And I her's too......
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Gretchen,
You are a true friend and one of the first TG's I ever met in person face to face (from this forum). You know I love and respect you.
Thanks for the reminder. I'm finding that in these days and hours since, and with time to calm down and think, that I am taking a conciliatory approach, calmly talking and seeking a few answers. Not digging deeply. We've talked. I gave her a foot rub. We've eaten a few meals together. The peace is holding.
When I read your response and the line about opening up I was reminded of an old story I learned in the time before we were married. It was given to me as advice on how to deal with (future) kids. I think it applies to all. It went like this:
" An old Jew visited his rabbi one day. His heart was heavy. "Rabbi, rabbi.... I am beside myself with frustration and grief. My son.... he goes about all slovenly. His hair is long and his clothes are dirty. He has little respect for his family and traditions. Rabbi... what am I to do? The Rabbi turned to the man and said "Love him more."
So, I shall try that. We've been together for 41 yrs; best friends, faced (literal) life and death situations with her; our kids. I want to make this work, but I have told her I need to also VALUE myself. (She didn't even know what I meant by that.)
Thanks Gretchen. I need to meet you for lunch agains soon.
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DOC !!,
God love you, girl. You were the first to write to my rescue.
I can't believe the outpouring of support and advice (sometimes all over the map but WTF). My Sisters have been amazing, as you are. THANK YOU, and thank you personally, Sherrie.
Good words. Loved the appeal to "think this through properly....". Lord knows I needed THAT.
I ended up going to the Family Feast yesterday (at my son's in-laws). Yeh... it was a bit awkward..... but only because my son was pissed that I failed to join him on a perfectly good ski day (the day that followed my fight, I planned to go skiing with Number One Son). He didn't take kindly to the sudden cancelation, and I had some 'splaining' to do.
Of course I was on the verge of breaking down into an all-out bawl at the drop of a turkey leg. I generally kept quiet and to myself as to not stir sad feelings.
THANKS again, Doc. You are one of my forum Heroines (bet I never told you that).
