LMAO! Talk about Freudian slips! I meant "married." :doh::heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassia-Marie
Printable View
LMAO! Talk about Freudian slips! I meant "married." :doh::heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassia-Marie
I understand the self-loathing. I was raised to be a very conservative Catholic boy. You have heard of the Catholics? They are the same folks that had thought pedophilia was simply sinful and could be removed with prayer. And so I prayed and hated myself for 45 years.
But as I got to reading and thinking, it became apparent that TG and CD are just aspects of my birthed self. I still had enough spirituality at the time to be certain that "God don't make junk" so I had to accept my stuff as neither good nor bad. Is a gun good or bad just sitting there in a box?
Two things that I learned that may have saved my life are that I am OK and that any judgment I make about myself needs to be set in a framework of how I am behaving and not who I am. Try not to curse your gender orientation (I did not say sexual); instead see how you might actually mine it for the gold that surely is there.
Hello CW,
I can understand that some of the more active contributors on this board are those who are more down the TG spectrum than I expect many others are. I, for example, just see my CDing as a fun, enjoyable and sexy thing to do. I have, like I expect most of us, struggled with embarrassment from time to time. However, it has been my experience that most of the embarrassment I've known has been for other's perception of me. Since my teens, I haven't had a problem with me CDing, though I am afraid of others' reactions to it. This started with my family and continues (to a lesser extent) with my wife (she knows as much as I do about Nikki).
I discovered this site in April and what it has done for me is allow me to expand my context of CDing. Before I came here, I bought lingerie, corsets and footwear. I didn't know there were a lot of us out there. I didn't know there were other resources. I hadn't considered dressing getting makeup, buying forms or a veronica 2, much less going full femme. I've now done all of these things and it was a lot of fun, but again I find myself concerned about the others around me.
Although my wife always knew about my tastes for lingerie and thigh high boots, she was pretty freaked out when she found out about my delving into wigs, makeup and dresses. She's growing with me. I choose not to share Nikki with any of my friends accept the wonderful ladies on this forum, whom I consider friends bound by a common interest. I am sure my friends would be accepted, but I just don't wish to do that.
I have accepted myself and this site allows me to keep expanding my ideas. I know I'm a guy and I'm happy being one. I love playing the female role, however. The active members on this board inspire me to improve my ability to play that role.
But I am straying from the point a bit...
The point is that I would expect the reason most vocal people on this board are so positive about their CDing is because they are in a place in their lives where either 1. they ARE free to be what they want to be (which is more girly than I choose to be) or 2. that is where they NEED to be to enjoy their lives.
Some of us are just prefer to be a bit more quiet. There are hundreds and hundreds of girls who choose to say nothing or very little for every girl to posts 5 or more times a day. These two types of people are not in the same place, and it sounds like neither are you. That's ok.
I try to add a bit of insight where I think I can be helpful or when I choose to because I like being an influential part of the communities where I frequent. You, too, have a unique voice and contribute where you believe it's wise or where you wish to.
The question you need to ask yourself is what kind of role you are seeking in this community? You have indicated that you have more of a negative perspective than what is typically shared on this board. (You might want to look at it as not sharing quite as positive perspective as others rather than negative, because as others have iterated, just by participating you are making a positive contribution to the community.) Are you happy with that role? Because there is always a need for that. It is the same need that you felt when you began this thread.
If you want to continue in this role, perhaps you can speak with the admins about setting up a new group to discuss coping with the more challenging aspects of our lifestyles. We all can concede that that life as a CDer is not always that rosy. This can be a place for you if you want it.
If you would like to adopt a different role, then I'm afraid you'll need to do a bit more soul searching, because your voice is predicated on your perspective and a change in your perspective can only brought about through hard work.
It sounds to me like you might be searching for a role in your life where you can be happy.
Many vocal people on this board have come to the end of theirs or are on the right path (which is why they sound so positive). I only hope you find yours.
I wish you luck on your journey!
Best
There simply is no end. Should you choose to keep on fighting, it will be a life long struggle. And the struggle is tiring, and mentally straining. Many have faught, and succumbed to drug abuse/addiction, alcohol abuse, bouts of depression, and in some tragic cases, suicide.Quote:
It is hard to explain maybe I am the freak I don't know all I can say is that after the deed of the on going nagging pestering urge of that female wanting to burst out of me succeeds , I hate myself for giving in I have always felt that way and I see no end in site.
I have seen a therapist wasn't any help
As far as support, I'm not sure what to say. All I can suggest is to try another therapist, and don't hate yourself for being the way you are.
Hi Chrerrywine, GG's are always very welcome to post in the MtF forum (unless the individual thread requests otherwise). Sometimes GG's bring the best support and reality-checks as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by chrerrywine
As far as MtF's having a private forum we do have the Private GM Forum. There are a whole varity of topics that are posted there. For example, one thread I started was "How do you take pride in yourself as a GM".
CW, my heart goes out to you because of the pain I read in your posts. I hope through the love and acceptance of others you can finally find peace in your heart.
It may well be considered an "addiction!" But if so, then YES you can let it go! First you have to admit it is there, and then detirmine to get rid of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelsy
But....in CW's case I believe he has a very low opinion of himself! Why, I have no clue. Except maybe for the way he was raised. I did not have a real happy childhood myself. I lost my mother at age 7, my dad at age 14, and was traised by an aunt and uncle who had two children of theirwn. Guess who came first in that family? But I did have the advantage of a wise Grandmother. She taught me three things which I have made lifelong philosophys to love by. They are: The Golden Rule (you should know that one), Always believe in yourself, and only worry about the things over which you can exert control.
In my 70 plus years on this earth I have experienced many things of great joy, and an almost equal number of tragic things. The worst of course was losing my wife of almost 50 years. But through it all, those three simple things have kept me going. And they can keep you, CW and any others who think like you, going in the same manner. Why worry about how others think of the way you dress? (with the exception of your wife or SO!) You cannot change their opinion, nor should you. Lead your own life, don't let someone else do it for you!
CW, your Tag Line says it very well! As does mine. I am a man who likes to dress! Nothing more, nothing less!
I'm sorry but no I do not have a low opinion of myself..Funny tho I do have a low opinion of Crossdressing!!..Quote:
Originally Posted by sissystephanie
You see thats my point no offence to anyone as I really like what you all do and how great you all support one another.. My point is are there any others here that feel the same as I do? Because to be honest with everyone my best advise or support comes from the GG's. Most people in here( that post) enjoy dressing ,thats what you support. For people like me that do not enjoy it instead of understanding when a post such as this one appears and support my wishes to stop, they want to support me to continue because that's what they choose to do themselves..That's all I am saying , we all know that it is gonna be a part of our lives til we die . But how to live with it and fight it off is the roughest part when you don't want it and will never accept it..
Thanks C.W.
Curse Within,
I am not sure I can relate to how you feel because I have always felt my desires as a blessing. I guess I have always wanted to be a woman and not just dress like one. So these feelings are an essential part of me. I often think about a question that my first therapist asked me when I started with her---"If I could give you a pill and you would no longer want to be woman or dress as a woman-all of those desires would be gone. Would you take it?"
I answered no. I don't want it to ever go away.
Now I'm upset. Sure you can talk about cross dressing all you want but when you dis chocolate the discussion verges on meddling. Some things are off limits; like my waist line. Hee Hee, Leanne
Good luck CW , Acceptance is the 1 st step to recovery ,in anything in life...period ,I can go on and tell about my life ,but I am at peace with my self ,lifes to short ,I am a DROWNING SERVIVOR ,and should be dead ,went 5+ minutes without breathing ,so I am soooo thankful to the Lord ,to give me a chance ,I am a caregiver to both of my parents ,and know why he saved me on that day of boat racing in 2001 ,I am on leave from work ,pops wanted to come stay with us to die ,but has pulled through good enough to get him and Mom to a beatuiful new assisted living facilty ,2 miles from us .I can go back to work , yahhhh,sorry I didn't mean to hijack ,Just wish you well :thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
I would overdose on the pill...Thats great you can not relate and I am very happy for you.. I feel that you expressing that was great and I understand, in fact why wouldn I even think about asking you to feel angry about yourself because you accept this in your life?. But that is you with being as honest as I can be torwards that I am happy for you there is nothing wrong with it for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaM
But there is tons wrong with it for me..If it's such a great thing to do then tell me why do most of us stay in the safety of our own closets? Why do most of us NOT dress in front of our kids or our S/O's ask if we do not dress in front of them? Why do most of us do not want to be outted to friends co workers or even strangers. Why do some of us hem haw with the truth prior to a relationship over it and most women do not accept it?? Why do most of us have to get up enough courage to buy anything female related in department stores? I can keep going so to say there is nothing negetive about dressing .. Not saying you did in your post and this isn't directed to you so lease no offence, but in general.
Thanks
C.W.
Jenny that is great to survive such a event ,wow someone was looking over you..Sorry about the parents, my prayers are with them tonite.Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyII23
C.W.
Curse Within,
Your points are well made. I don't deny a lot of what you've written. I still get embarrassed by women's clothing. I recently ordered cosmetics on-line. My wife never asked me to quit but I did quit for 10 years. There is a great deal of pain regarding how you feel; how I feel and how others feel about this.
But I still wouldn't give it up. It makes me feel whole, complete--I don't know how to describe it. It makes me want to go back and live my life all over and transition when I was in my teens.
I guess the difference is that want and feel that I am a woman. I can't imagine living without feeling that way. I hope you can find peace. I truly know how difficult that is to do.
CW a BIG THANKS ....Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
No matter our gender , colour , size , or personality , I think its positive not to worry fret or question ourselves indeapth .
We are what we are ....nothin more nothin less , and its pointless to try to discover any answears with feelings of guilt and uncertainty .
We must simply first learn to love ourselves and accept we are different .
Imagine a world full of clones of no character ..........
Yes Mistress we are who we are and Lisa thanks for the post all of you.. I guess I can't say it enough ,I am at peace with myself this Thread really isn't about me or support or the lack of. I was just curious if any other people on this site felt the same as I ? I ask this because the post in the MTF section of this forum are over 80% as a guess PRO DRESSING and another 20% if I had to guess hard times with crossdressing.
In other words if I wanted to share the joys of crossdressing this section is lucky girl, but if I share the downside or negetive feelings torwards it being a CDer myself ,91% as a guess again will point out the pro's in accepting it and get on with your journey..The world has to accept you, not you accepting the world that is the biggest support I see.. I am not saying anything is wrong with that and I'll take the 9% better than none .. I just wondered if any silent members or not came to this place unaware that it was mostly a support forum for futhering your crossdressing rather than containing it or learning to live with it in harmony with the loved ones in your life who do not understand or appreciate it as much as people in here do..
I will not hold fact to the percentages provided in this post as they were merley givin as my own estimate and no others.
C.W.
I understand exactly what you're saying - but you can explain it all day here and the majority of the people on this forum will be 100% clueless.Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
I don't feel that CD-ing is a "blessing", I hate it. I absolutely hate the fact that I have the desire to CD. Even though I'm not actively CD-ing at the present time, can I stop thinking about it? What do you think the answer is to that question?
I would also take a pill to stop all desire to CD. In a HEARTBEAT.
Marcie,Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcieM
THANK YOU SO MUCH.. Was you like me when you found this place? I will be upfront and honest with you, I was at one of my weakest times newly seperated looking for support of the so called reason (x-dressing) and fell into what they call on here the "Pink Fog".. I came back out of it hell I didn't even know such a thing existed came back to my normal level and can now control it.
But for me dressing interferes with my daily life or it did back then and brings even more depression to me than none.. It robs my productive time , it holds me hostage in my own home ( because I will forever be in the closet) Which means no life!! Being single and a guess again 98% of the women I meet would never have anything to do with someone who x-dresses and that sucks because I am only attracted to women..
Thanks again
C.W.
Perhaps you could explain why you have that low opinion of cd'ing - not in other people's words or feelings, but your own?Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
And if you don't have a low opinion of yourself - how do you explain why you do this? :strugglin
Nikki...I am sorry but I thought I pointed them out a page or two back...would you like for me to re post them?Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicki B
C.W.
Forgive me if I missed it, but I thought you were saying why others might feel that way - which sorta sounds like what matters to you is how others might feel about a lack of 'manliness'???Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
Edit - just checked back - I still can't see where you say why you think the activity itself is wrong - only where others have thrown it in your face and how you wish to reject it..
Are you so sure? Do you really think few else here have experienced denial - why else is so much said about purging?Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcieM
I wish you luck. I remember when I use to fight so hard. I guess the battle just lingered on too long, and I grew tired and weary.Quote:
But how to live with it and fight it off is the roughest part when you don't want it and will never accept it..
Don't get me wrong, if there was such a magical pill that if I took it, I would no longer be trans, I would take it in an instant. It would make things so much easier. Rather than trying to plan a transition around my relationship, school, job, and so many other variables, I could just focus on getting college out of the way, and then getting a good job. I wouldn't have to worry about what is too fast for my girlfriend's comfort. Wouldn't have to worry about parenting issues. I would have much less worries, and many more restful nights. Less depression, and a more stable appetite (with mine going from eating one very small meal a day, if that, to eating as much as a Hobbit would if they were real.). Hell, I'd never even have to worry if I got all the makeup off before I go out to work (like I am now...) or to visit family. But, for the sake of my own dwindling sanity, I had to give in. I use to try to drink it away, slam my head against a wall in the middle of the night to shake the thoughts, cursed myself, and had very warped images of myself. Even after just accepting it myself, I started to treat myself better. For me though, the road is longer than just mear acceptance.
The best advice I can give is too just accept it. You don't have to like dressing. You don't even have to ever dress. The urges and thoughts will never leave though. Have you tried playing out a mental fantasy? This way, you are not actually dressing up, but you see yourself dressed up for a moment or two. It can be done in the shower, or in the evening in front of the TV. Sort of a day dream type of thing. Satisfy the mind while also maybe satisying your psyche.
Schatten,
Wow I feel your pain as well...I think a lot more of us go through what you just mentioned and if accepting it works then by all means ..Go for it..
I think in my case anyways accepting it and living with it are two in the same, my fault I wasn't clear enough on that (didn't want this to be a thread soley about me) .To make it clear though I don't fully accept it I live with it, confussed ? Yes hasn't been a day gone by I havn't and to make myself clear on that , confussed about why I give in and what drives me to do it.
I don't want to change this place I do enjoy some of it and just as many others here if I don't relate to a thread, I will not post. I think that everyone here are excellent people and maybe the level to which I am not are the highest percentage of people here. So I am the blacksheep I will admit that and stay within my boundries , to not rock the boat if you can relate.
Thanks
C.W.
We stay in the closet , do not wish to be seen most of the time by anyone.
2. We perfer not to go by a female name and wish not to be adressed as a she.
3. We feel quilt , shamed and depressed after we dress.
4. We do not wear bras,forms,makeup or shave in areas that females are known to shave..
5. Dressing is sometimes or most times a sexual fetish.
6. Have nothing in common with most in this MTF forum, because we do not want to be females or act out being females.
I feel the same as you. I have had these feelings off and on since puberty. I always feel guilty afterwards and my wife left me if not completely for that reason then mostly. The name I have listed is the one she gave me. I will NEVER come out of the closet, I don't want anyone to know, and I don't want to be a girl.
So how do I deal with it. I know that it is part of me but not ALL of me. I do it when the urge is too strong and don't the rest of the time. I wish there was that magic pill you mentioned and that my wife had not left me for my urges.
SO the answer to your question is yes there are others that feel like you do.
I'll add my bit at the risk of upsetting some folks.
Yes, Cursed, I understand although I am (mostly) not there now. I do not think the negativity is something you can just decide not to have, nor that acceptance of who you are and what you do is at all easy.
Having said that these are issues that you must work through to at least lessen your distress (lessen your curse). Perhaps they can be eliminated -- I don't know -- but I think the goal should be progress in coming to terms with your curse. Little steps that will make your life better.
Counseling is helpful for some but it is critical that you find a good match. Someone who truly understands your situation on more than a academic level. Maybe give it another try.
I know that when I have been depressed well meaning people have told me just to pull myself out of it. No, no can do. That's the curse of depression, and it's due to a chemical imbalance not that different from diabetes. Believe me, if it were that easy to solve I would have done it long ago.
I suspect your negativity/depression may be similar. Sometimes we are depressed for good reason, for example when my wife was dying. I am on antidepressants and they have given me my life back -- another possibility. Meds don't make the problems go away but do allow perspective. Perhaps your curse is not as bad as you have made it out to be. It sure beats something like uncontrollable violence
Good luck. The answers are not easy and not magic but it can get better.
Hugs, Julie
Corina,
If that is ok to call you that, I want to say thanks for the post first and a great question also. So how do you deal with it? Talking to others is a great start I think , a support forum would be great, one that is geared to the cons not the pros of crossdressing.. This place is the closest one I have found yet and believe me I searched many days and nights looking.
It is awkward for me sometimes to even thread or post in here due to having to type a disclaimer that my intent is not to offend anyone. I am sure I will get some over this post.. If anyone has seen a forum that is geared for the cons not the pros and is for crossdressers could you PM me a addy?
You see I hear from some that I am in denial and for some reason I just don't think I am even for one minute.. I know I crossdress I know I am a male and I know I will never become a female make believe or surgery. How does that make me in denial. Living as a female accepting you female side and not fighting the urges TO ME only aids in pushing you further into a Trans seaxual But I am sure that will offend someone and they will try to correct me..
Thanks
C.W.
I'm positive. I think there are very few who get what this thread is about.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicki B
It's not just about purging. It's about having the desire to CD hard-wired in one's brain. There are those of us who are incapable of accepting it and find it revolting. You don't get that, do you?
Stay true to your sex? Therein lies your problem, you believe in a false idea, an artificial man-made concept that being male equates to masculinity. The truth is everyone is born with both masculine and feminine qualities. Are you willing to accept the truth or continue believing in a lie?Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
I think your feelings come from the fact that you are not prepared to fight for your rights. You want to blend into the perceived normalcy of others and so reject the notion of accepting yourself because that would mean admitting your difference. You are caught in a quagmire and want to drown your sorrows with other remorseful souls. There is no happiness in misery even when it is shared.
This is an unhealthy situation to be in. You need to kick yourself and decide once and for all to either accept and reject who you are.
Satrana,
Thanks for the post and the info as well..You seem smart , polite you have always posted very well and thoughtful. Trust me if there was a switch to turn it off when it comes around I would.. You see I live a very happy life in male mode, great job super children and friends. I live in male mode 99% of the time maybe less 1 - 3 percent depending on the urges.. I don't want them URGES I want them to go away .. Explain to me if you could how because I don't want them, how can I just shut them off?
Or I could just give in , right dress more often then the same problem occurs but the male side the stonger lifestyle the one I perfer is wanting to come out. I am no different than most of you here I have heared it hundreds of times it doesn't shut off..BTW if you have the pill to shut it off or the method of making one please share.. I can understand where you folks come from I do find some enjoyment when dressed but the disgusted feelings and quilt follows always..I don't expect any of those who found happiness in crossdressing to understand my feelings tho..
Thanks
C.W.
Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
Hold on there, bucko. I understand very well where you are. I've been there. Done that. Got the damn t-shirt.
So have a lot more of us. I'm not the only one who wondered for years what the hell was broken in my head. I'm not the only one who could be going along fine for months, everything normal, and suddenly all I could think about was lingerie. (In my case, at the wheel of 80 tons of moving machinery... somewhat of a distraction.) And I'm certain all of us have been through the guilt, the shame, the purging, the swearing off, the temptation, and the mental pandemonium. Did I mention shame? Throw a little old-timey hellfire and brimstone religion, while we're at it.
And there's still a lot more out there, going through the same crap you are. But they don't have the guts to go look for answers, like you're doing.
A lot of us here have looked for the answers. Maybe we started before you did. Well, we haven't found any. Sorry. Can't help. No answers. F*ck, we don't even know what questions to ask!
You know about alcoholics? How even if one hasn't touched a drop in 20 years, he's still an alcoholic? He's a "recovering" alcoholic. That one drop, and it's right back in the gutter. Every day is a struggle just to stay on the wagon. You want to be a "recovering" crossdresser? Wake up every day, and mouth affirmations, "one day at a time?" Knowing that the second you get near a pair of high heels, you fall off the wagon?
Well, alcohol can kill you. Heels & lacy things won't.
The happy folk here have simply decided that it's easier, and saner, to stay off the wagon. Just because they don't all talk about the hell they've been through, doesn't mean they haven't been there.
And just because we've adjusted to it, and come out from the closet to one degree or another, doesn't change anything else. I once entertained thoughts of "transitioning" (isn't that a cute little euphemism for a waste of a perfectly good penis? :eek:), along with the other mental nastiness. Now I'm entirely happy with being male, my manly job, everything. All it took was the first time out of the house, to find that no one thinks I'm a whack job. (They might for other reasons, though... lol) Now those nice clothes stay in the closet except for the once-in-a-blue-moon night at a club, or when I just have to be a camera *****. I'm free to focus on my work, and the important things in life -- beer and women. :D For me, going public was like beating the last level of a video game. Once you've mastered the game, it loses some importance in your mind.
Everything changed when I quit beating myself up. And the biggest help to get there? Meeting more people like me online. Sometimes just knowing you're not the only one is enough.
To borrow a phrase from a former Douchebag-in-Chief, I feel your pain. I'm not saying you should be giddy, or go off the pink deep end, or turn all girly, or buy into the platitudes about "expressing the woman within." I don't think that's where you are, or where you're meant to go.
Just stop -- some way, somehow -- stop torturing yourself. It's an executive decision you have to make, and no one else can make it for you.
Curse, I think I understand your situation. For me it is similar. For years I felt the same as you. Even today I would seriously consider 'pulling the plug' on CDing if it was possible...life sure would be easier. When I first joined this site about 3 years ago, I didn't feel like I was the same as anyone, but I knew deep down the feeling would never go, so I decided to face it head on. I just read a lot and tried to figure out what it all means to me. I thought, for some reason I am driven to dress...so I tried it, full power. I discovered that after going out many times, the strong desire has diminished and the shame and guilt is gone. I still do it for the thrill or challenge and there is still a compulsion sometimes. Actually, for the first time in my life, I am happy with who I am. I think once you truely accept the feelings and somehow integrate them in to your life then you are 'cured of the curse'. Maybe the compulsion will never fully go away, but it seems like the more you fight it the stronger it gets. Hang in there.
If you want something bad enough you have to work/fight for it.
Find a Catholic preist to excorsise you of the "demon" with in.I know that sounds like a load of crap but maybe the "girl" with in you is an entity living or "hosting"inside you.Those thing do happen.
I know people will think I'm nuts for saying that but I have had the opportunity to watch an excorsim and I can't expalin the hows or whys but it scared the shi* out of me. Hearing a small fragile woman sound like a pro wrestler spewing vial horrible things at the preist.
I'm not a religous person in the normal sense but a spiritualist.
Maybe it could be as simple as just not giving in to the urge.When the urge hits go some where and do something else.
I don't mean to come off insensitive but you need to find a way to stop being so down on yourself.Think positive.
Tracii and Sally ,
Thank you both and as I have said before I am not beating myself up over this I just want it to go away that's all..When I started this thread it wasN'T directed to me only and how I feel.. I wanted to know if others felt the way I do about crossdressing , thats all..I appreciate your concerns tho ,really I do.
But I am ok with myself dis likeing xdressing I feel the more I do the less i get the urges but never stupid enough to purge..They always come back we all know that. Everyone really this isn't a rant or poor me thread it is reaching out to some who feel beat up for not accepting it in a forum that is dedicated to it in all forms.. You have said been there in one way or another I am 43 years old been getting the urges as long as I can remember .I am past purgeing and I know somewhat in how to control or live with the little urges I get..Yes believe it or not there are people just like me that feel strongly about never accepting it.
Thanks again everyone
C.W.
Well its a very interesting topic.At least we know how you feel maybe a new section dealing with this is in order.Admins?
What you do as a crossdresser--whether because of uncontrollable urges or comfortable desires--is up to you. I have found that everything that I thought I was alone in thinking or doing as a crossdresser was represented by participants in this site, often by many people who participate in this forum. I find that encouraging. I hope that you are encouraged too.
C.W.,Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
You are not alone. For many years I told myself that my cross-dressing as a teen was just a phase. I was in denial about the urges being there. I told myself that I would never cross-dress again. I wasn't one of "those" people.
When I bought my first article of clothing, I thought to myself that I was just going to try wearing it once, and that the urge to cross-dress would go away when I proved to myself that wearing it wasn't fun. The urge didn't go away.
I still haven't fully accepted the fact that I cross-dress or that it is OK to cross-dress. Reading this forum helps quite a bit, and posting helps more. I've always known that many or most people in society don't accept it, but it is great to know there are lots of people in this community that not only accept it, but welcome me here. That is important because this is a part of me that isn't going to go away.
B.G.
First. WELCOME! Based off this one well thought and tactful post I look forward to your contributions. I would also be happy to share thoughts
Second, my crossdressing can now legally drink as it has been 21 years, a short time in the grand scheme, but hopefully it will at least triple... anyway I spent the first 15 or 16 years of that thinking much like you.
I don't know if you want to accept it ever or find a way to get rid of it (if you do let me know. an "actual" choice would be enlightening) or whatever. It doesn't matter, it's all fine by me, you weren't pushing your views on me and I am happy to return the favor, however I will tell you two things from my experience:
1) You'll never accept it unless you WANT to.
2) Accepting that part of yourself, even just beginning too, can be really really difficult (thanks mainly to #1) but it is waaaaaayyyyyy better than hating yourself.
Third, I think you are a rare breed here because most in your position probably just lurk (nothing wrong with that imho) or don't ever look for a site like this. I know I didn't even think of looking for a support oriented site until I was reading to accept it.
Anyway my private messages box has plenty of room!
Although each of us has had a very different experience, there is a lot of commonality in the posts to this great thread. When I was young (and there was no web) I was very confused about the desires that I had, confused but definitely not guilty because I think that even then I realized that it was not something that I could control.
The urges came and went (or I learned how to suppress them) until a couple of years into my marriage. Then I tried to come out to my wife, but it was a very clumsy attempt. She got mad, so I shot right back into the closet.
I hid my dressing from her, and everyone else, for nearly 30 years, until finally I let myself be caught. By this time she knew me well enough not be be threatened, and has come to accept me when I dress around the house. She even helps me shop, but I always wear drab outside the house, perhaps underdressed. For career and social reasons, I dare not come out to the rest of the world, or risk being seen, so I make do with dressing at home with my wife as the only female friend of Colleen.
All of this background is prelude to expressing the primary emotions that I have about being a CD - disappointment at least and mostly anger that society cannot accept us. Virtually all other "different" groups have by now been accepted into the diversity of society, but CDers must either pass, or hide, or not care about being identified.
So no, you are not alone, but your experiences so far have soured you, and made you feel guilty about expressing your true self. IMHO it would be better to be angry than guilty. The fault is not in ourselves, but in the world we inhabit.
I find it interesting that some of these posts have developed a "US" vrs "Them" mentality. That's sort of sad as we all should be able to accept, help, and communicate with each other here regardless of our beliefs and comfort levels.
Yes, when I was younger I WAS filled with guilt, and I DID hate crossdressing. It made my life uncomfortable. It made my life complicated. It gave me head trips I didn't need. Yes, I would have taken any reasonable cure that might have come along.
Somewhere along the line though, my thinking changed. I decided that I was tired of being ashamed of it, and that in the great scheme of things, it wasn't worth all the angst. How and why my feelings and attitude changed - I have no idea, but there you have it.
Thanks again everyone who has posted I am gonna sit the rest of this one out but I will continue threading ....I just wanted everyone to know you do help in your own way...I really don't recall ever saying at anytime I didn't like being here or I didn't like the people on this forum ... You all are great folks and you do make people feel welcomed.. For those who got the message thanks for understanding that x-dressing isn't always puppies and ponies for all and that some of us deal with it in a negative way..
Thanks
C.W.
You're not alone. I've come a long way from feeling guilty all the time but some days I wake up and think, "why am I doing this, it causes me so much turmoil, i have a hard time talking to my gf about it and sometimes I feel like a freak", but it feels plain WRONG when I don't do it. It does feel like an addiction, but again, it's not so much of a "fix" I'm after, it's a state of normalcy. I'm responding here to your statements. We're not the same, but not completely different either:
1. We stay in the closet , do not wish to be seen most of the time by anyone.
-Each person has their own closet, it's not limited to crossdressing. I don't get out a whole lot, sometimes being here is my way of getting out and socializing.
2. We perfer not to go by a female name and wish not to be adressed as a she.
-If a person treats me respectfully, it doesn't matter to me.
3. We feel quilt , shamed and depressed after we dress.
- For sexual reasons? I feel those things after eating an entire large bag of M&M's in one sitting. Seriously though, I have too. What is it you feel guilty about?
4. We do not wear bras,forms,makeup or shave in areas that females are known to shave..
- I actually prefer wearing jeans and pants over skirts, I'm guessing that puts me in the minority here, but it's neither right or wrong, it's individual.
5. Dressing is sometimes or most times a sexual fetish.
- I would agree with the sometimes, and long ago it was most times for me.
6. Have nothing in common with most in this MTF forum, because we do not want to be females or act out being females.
- Other than a few squabbles, everybody here gets along even though we are very different. Just look at the topics that have been replied to the most, you'll see fifty different answers to a yes or no question. So you don't fuss over new lipstick shades or the best ways to make cleavage, I don't spend a lot of time in the trans or MTF sections, but I do read there a bit. It's enough that, whatever my interests are, I don't have to make a friend here and worry about what they might think about my choice of clothes.
It's pretty much always been that and will always be that way. There are so many variations, we'll never be able to all understand each other.Quote:
Originally Posted by TxKimberly
Understand? Probably not. At least not always.Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcieM
Accept, help, and communicate with each other? Absolutely!
As I always like to say: "I may not be able to walk in your shoes, but I can walk next to them."
The ideas CW brings up can be, in a way, like peeling a scab off of a wound. Most people here have a very similar, templated story - urges, confusion, experimentation, recrimination, guilt, more confusion, more recrimination, unhappiness, acceptance, indulgence, happiness. To come to a place over decades in most cases where a person can understand, accept, and be happy with who they are and the choices they make is a long and arduous journey, and finding others who have shared that journey makes for a strong and powerful reaffirmation of one's life choices.
But as much as we can empathise with someone who has not followed that path, bringing the idea that what we choose is not viewed as a positive by another can threaten the choices we have made in our own lives. Having struggled to overcome feelings of guilt, self-loathing, and external negativity, to hear someone say that they think the things we do are not a positive for them - even though they share the things we do - is an uncomfortable reminder of the ways that we used to feel as well. And in that light, very few people who have made that journey can truly see a worldview where they would tell someone "I know you do what I do, and I think it's pretty okay....but yes, you shouldn't do it, even if it's for all the reasons I told myself didn't matter".
It seems like the "pink fog" is a fun thing to joke about when it relates to throwing on a pretty dress, or buying that extra skirt in the department store, or otherwise indulging in our hobby/fetish/lifestyle/life choice. But what about when it is more serious than some time shopping or that hit to the credit card? I have seen people here aggressively defend a crossdresser's right to do it at any time, any place, in front of anyone, without much visible concern for anyone else's feelings or thoughts - indeed, there is an orthodoxy among some people that any dissent or objection is a threat to our rights to be who we are. Nervermind the fact that nearly anything we could choose to do in our life is constrained by a right time, right place, right people box. Would you watch porn at work? Get drunk in front of your kids? Drive 100mph through a school zone? I would hope not, and editing yourself in these situations is by no means an indictment of doing any of these things in the appropriate venue. But we seem to aggressively defend our choices no matter what, almost as if to do otherwise would be to allow the old doubts and guilt come creeping back.
I don't think that there is any negativity to accept that this community is probably not the best resource for someone who wants to stop crossdressing, or to end their deisre to do so. There's no shame in not being all things to all people, especially with something like this, where we have all struggled to find a way to accept and live with our feelings and desire, and most of us have come to, at the very least, an uneasy truce, and at best, a full and blessed new dimension to life. If CW truly desires to find a way to stop his desires, then we have not failed to be kind, thoughtful, helpful, or supportive, and our own choices are not threatened or invalidated. We may think we know what is best with the combined weight of our own experience and worldview, but no matter what, our individual way will never be everyone's way, and our collective path to acceptance and indulgence may not be someone else's. To that end, if he wants to find a way to stop, at the end of the day, that's what he should do. None of us can say what the result might be, but finding help to be self-aware and honest with oneself is always worth it. Maybe he'll find a way to stop the desire, maybe he'll find a way to accept it, who can really say? That's really not that important, as long as he ends up happy.
BINGO and well said!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassia-Marie
VERY well put I think.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tye
:)[SIZE="3"]I started crossdressing late in life. After some initial trepidation, I came out to myself as a cd. I felt liberated and complete when I said that. I never felt any guilt or shame about it, either.
I think everyone has their own comfort level and I respect that. It's ironic that fifteen years ago, a man wearing women's clothing repulsed me. Now I have a preference for women's attire. You never know.
Gennee [/SIZE]
I have had many heartbreaks and challenges in my life. I'm bipolar, ADD, borderline personality disorder, depression and my brain says I'm female, but that's not what I see when I look in the mirror..:).
I'm a gambling addict.. will have to work till the day I die, but you know, it doesn't matter..:).
I'm a mess, no woman, not even my first wife of 18 years who turned out to be a lesbian, but could not accept me as a woman really can deal with all my issues..:).
I do have two great dogs.. They don't care if I wear funny clothes.. they know I love them and as ****ed up as I appear to most normal people, I know God loves me..:).
I thank him for all I have experienced. The good, the bad, the sad and the heartbreaking. Every experience is a gift.. you just have to want to see it that way..:).
Be thankful,
Hugs,
Randi
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcieM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissConstrued
I agree - I think a lot of us have been there, I know I have - but it is possible to defeat those demons in your head? It does however take time...Quote:
Originally Posted by Katie B
When you get through to the other side, though, you do wonder why you held yourself in that unhappy state for so long?
Surely the question is, how can you turn that negative into a positive?Quote:
Originally Posted by curse within
The first step is often to find other people and see for yourself that they can accept themselves - and that you're not alone?Quote:
Originally Posted by MissConstrued
It is good to see a number of posts here that validate CW's feelings and also acknowledge his desire to "pull the plug" without trying to fix him. I know part of the reason he joined here was to find like minded friends that also are actively in the same quandry.
I don't know how to help him find the peace he desires. We each have our own path to follow and no two are exactly the same. What I do want to be is a listening ear and a support for whatever choice, if any, he chooses for his own life.