Quote Originally Posted by KellyV GG View Post
thanks so much Joni. I did tell him right away how it made me feel...belittled, inferior...that it was OK to emulate me and my gender until there was a real issue to deal with and then it felt like he had to uneven the playing filed. He did say that it was nothing like that but I think any girl in my position would have felt the same way.

I don't think that he feels men are superior to women but he is a big sports guy and can be a bit of a macho poser around other men or his sons, but in general no. Geez, there are so many places you can go trying to figure things out. I do understand the guilt aspect but it seems iike CDing can be such a self centered thing sometimes that he forgets to consider how I might perceive things or feel, it seems like it's all about his fragile feeling. In general the CDing has brought us much closer and I feel very lucky that he trusts me enough to open up this side to me but that incident made me feel like it's just something he can step out of any time. I do get the guilt thing tho...thanks for the great advice.

Hiya and welcome to the forum!!! Well, I can tell you from personal experience - if I argue with my wife while I'm dressed....I just feel ridiculous. Especially if it's about something serious. Dunno why. Sorta like "here I am in this goofy get-up trying to make a point about something I feel strongly about". Sort of like a clown reciting Shakespeare, I guess - doesn't work too well. This hasn't happened recently, so maybe (by now) I would handle it differently.

The guilt has a LOT to do with perceptions of personal failure. "I like to dress and act like a woman, therefore I feel like a failure as a man". This can be totally unconcious, I think, however, the resulting behavior speaks VOLUMES about how we REALLY feel. A lot of us may feel this way. Self acceptance is a long journey. It's EXCEEDINGLY HARD to deal with someone who hasn't fully accepted themselves. Once this happens, generally the guilt feeling subside, and things become more straight forward.

The only thing I can suggest is - try and take it slowly, expect some bumps in the road, and communicate your feelings. We're a complex bunch, no doubt, and getting to where we want to be is a long, tough road, both personally and in relationships.

Welcome to the forum again, I hope you find something of value here.