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Kelly V... This is hard to completely understand because if you're femme side is so strong that it has to manifest itself, develop it's own personality, have it's own name and wardrobe it would be logical to assume that you might be more in touch with your emotions. But thanks for that...I think that's exactly what's happening. How do you deal with another person denial, tho, when it's all so crystal clear and written in neon from my side of things?
Well, yes, a very strong feminine inclination abides in many of us, but we just have not had the socialization or opportunity to mature into it. So, as others have said, especially Gerard, we just cannot, will not bring ourselvs to verbalize it in any understandable way. Hell, we cannot even understand it ourselves.

Until we are able to even begin to accept this within ourselves we see it as a curse. And that cursed feeling will last forever until we can. Many here, myself included, have been able to get there with the help of the examples and stories and advice of folks here (peers who have also sufferred the curse and been able free themselves of it). Many others have needed the concentrated help of professional and impartial confidants like psychs and shrinks! Even if the feeling of being cursed can be shed, though, that doesn't necessarily engender the feeling of being "blessed".

I ramble a little here, but the point I'm trying to get to is this: Your man is isolated within himself. The frustration of being unable to understand himself, and the crippling inability to even be able to communicate to you what he himself cannot understand, may be the cause of his withdrawal. That's what we do as men.

You're very well-intentioned attempts to empathize and help don't seem to be able to help your relationship either. In fact, as PaulaJane says, you may even be exacerbating his retreat into himself. Not ever having had any acceptance, he may be finding yours almost unbelievable. And, oddly, that's kinda scary, too.

So there must be another way...

They've already been mentioned here. Joining this group and opening up to "peers". Given the thousands of folks here and the thousands who have passed through, we've probably heard it all. And/Or professional counselling. And/Or a local support group that he can talk to face to face.

As you've already read, we all celebrate your acceptance and the hard work you're going through to normalize this unusual relationship. And we're sorry that it's such a difficult exercise for you.

Good Luck to you, dear one ...

There's a lot of varying advice here. Use what you think will work. But most importantly, keep yourself and your own peace of mind in the forefront of your actions.