Quote Originally Posted by KellyV GG View Post
So, if I understand correctly...essentially, the repressed female personality has to go through a muturing process on it's own since it's been repressed for so long? That sure sounds like a personality split. Does the grown up male side know that he's dealing with an immature female side? Or is it just like a massive adrenaline rush, which is what I am seeing in him and her right now. It looks a bit bipolar. Sounds like a confusing state to be in.
Well it is not a classical personality split i.e. it is not a mental disorder. Unless he is a transsexual then he knows he is not a woman but a man who just wants to enjoy being girly. Yes the feminine side needs to mature - it has not even had an opportunity to enjoy a childhood since it has been repressed ever since male gender roles were forced onto him after the age of 5 or so.

You must understand that for males, femininity is seen as a poison to our masculinity. It is something to avoided at all costs and to be squeezed out of our system. However at some point, usually during our childhood, CDs do something that other boys don't do, we become self-aware that their femininity is actually something to be enjoyed and cherished, that it reflects part of our real personalities. But we can never expose and develop our femininity for fear of ostracization and the feelings of perversion and deviance that society teaches us feminine men represent.

For sure CDs understand how immature our feminine nature is. We are all keen observers of women trying to learn the tricks of the trade, trying to fit in, trying to undo the macho behavioral traits that we have been trained to express. This is one reason why CDing is such an adrenaline rush. It is like being born again, having to learn everything from scratch like you are a kid. The colors appear brighter, the smells more sharp, sensations more dramatic. Remember how magical Christmas was when you were young? That's the type of overwhelming feelings CDs get when they finally emerge from the closet.


Is self acceptance all it takes to get there? And if you're happy simply living a part of you out through an alter ego...which is something I'm concerned about..how do I get him past that place into the place where he wants to be integrated? Am I making this more complicated than it is???
Self acceptance is a difficult task. CDs almost always have lead isolated lives thinking there were the only perverts in the world who thought this way. The psychological barrier to self acceptance is a steep hill to climb but it is made significantly easier if there is support from others.

How to get him integrated? Well allowing plenty of time you already know about. Allowing him to CD as much as he wants is an important factor. He has to explore and mature and fulfill his dreams. Once he has climbed his mountains and enjoyed the experiences, the excitement will die down. Then you will have more success reaching out to him and being able to talk sensibly. At the moment he is too much in the clouds to think sensibly. And also too scared that your support will disappear one day. Just as you are scared what the future will hold, so is he. He is wondering if your support is really just a pretense to please him. He is wondering maybe one day you will call him a pervert or faggot etc and tell him you can no longer handle his dressing.

Trying to get him to talk about all of this will be a trial. No matter how much he wants to take his feminine side to heart, decades of male behavior of closing up and keeping his emotions and feelings locked inside will make it very hard for him to admit his vulnerability to you. You just need to keep chipping away.

How to stop him developing the alter ego? Well the best way is to stop him from believing his dressing requires full emulation - i.e. wig, breastforms, higher voice pitch, butt waggle, female name etc. He needs to come to grips with seeing himself in the mirror wearing a dress rather than an alter ego playing out a fantasy. Over time teach him to use less make-up, not more and use natural day colors rather than the dramatic reds and blacks and use simple jewelry. Teach him to incorporate jeans and leggings rather than always wearing skirts and dresses. If he is inside the house there is no need for wigs or breastforms since there is no need to "pass"for security and comfort. Basically try to normalize his appearance and behavior i.e.help him mature his feminine side from a girl into a woman.

But I am not completely sure about how to be supportive and give him space at the same time.
There are no rights or wrongs. Being supportive is about love, empathy, understanding, being non-judgmental. Guide him with helpful advice, praise him when he puts together a nice outfit. Teach him to open up about his emotions. Earlier you mentioned how he went back into male clothes when you were arguing. That was because he does not relate his feminine side to negativity, he wants it to be all positive and girly. So while he is dressed, tell him to learn "girl talk", and talk emotions - even get him to cry. As men we fight tears, while en femme we have the license to let go.

Good luck!