Thomas,
The only consolation I can offer you is to assure you that you are not alone my friend. I think the majority of us probably have internal conflicts along these lines. On the flip side of the coin that you presented here, I feel whole and "right" when I present as female. There are times when I desperatly want to stay that way.
On the other hand, I want to be a a good husband and a good father and there ARE times when I enjoy being male.
I think that this sort of internal struggle is just part of the package.
