Thomas, you are like my twin from another reality. I had almost the exact same identity crisis a few months ago... and I'm liable to end up in a community college until I can transfer. (Not to Japan, though. Just Oregon.)
For what it's worth, I eventually figured out that my problem wasn't that I didn't really feel male, but that I didn't live up to the standards of "manhood" that I perceived as coming from the heteronormative group. (I still don't really identify as a man - too many associated connotations.) I had to get my head around the fact that a guy could actually have feminine tendencies, like wearing girls' clothes occasionally, and stuff like that. After all, cisboys do it all the time and we don't force them to relinquish their male identity, so why can't anyone else?
Wearing girls' clothes on occasion doesn't make you cisgendered; it makes you a transvestite. Cisvestite? Dunno exactly, but it's nothing to be too worried about. It's just one of the ways you like to express yourself.
I've been through the same exact things, and it's very tempting for me to dish everything out so you can see exactly how much we've had in common, but I can sum it up with a quick: yeah, there's a lot of self-discovery involved. Androgyny may work for you or it may not. Don't try too hard to live up to any one label (I think someone said that already); take your feelings as they come and see where they lead you. And stuff.
Also, any time you're feeling introspective and need to sort stuff out, posting it is a good idea. Writing, as I've found, is the best way to sort your feelings into something coherent; it's also easier to write (to an audience or yourself) than it is to talk to someone in person. Plus you get a lot of people who show up to reassure you that you're not a total freak.
