\\Originally Posted by ReineD
I've not just read it, I've lived it. As a youngster, I asked myself those questions. My wife asked me the same questions.
Before the information age, many of us dealt wth our crossdressing desires alone. As we know from many testimonies, many of us thought that marriage would cure our crossdressing, so no need to tell the fiance. When we realized we were wrong, we were already in deep. It wasn't intentional, but the deceit happened out of our own ignorance. Most of us who have been through this agree that it would have been better to tell, but we don't get another chance. We have no choice to take it from here.
I lost my first wife because she could not tolerate a crossdressing husband. Before anyone tells me they know more about my marriage than I did, and that the real issue was the deceit, yes, the deceit was an issue at first. She was reasonable in listening to me explain my history, my desires, and my fears requiring me to keep my secret, and she ended up understanding. She loved me still, and respected that I was a good husband and father. But, she just couldn't stomach a crossdressing husband.
When I told my second wife, she asked the same questions (are you gay, want to be a woman). She accepts my crossdressing.
It is my observation and opinion that crossdressers and their wives/SO's tend to downplay the issue of cd-ing being unacceptable to some women, and that all the problems are about the deceit. While the deceit is the major issue in many cases, it is simply an assumption in Samantha's case. The wife expressed serious concerns about the crossdressing (gay? want to be a woman? sexual pervert) but Samantha's post raised no issue the wife had with the deceit.
My history is similar to Samantha's. I won't presume to speak for Samantha, but if I had it to do all over again, I would have told I was a cd before marriage. But that was my ignorance. Speaking of ignorance, the wife's views on crossdressing stem from ignorance. We're not necessarily gay, don't want to be a woman, and aren't perverts. In an instant of revealing a very private and personal part of himself, a good responsible husband, father, and citizen suddenly became an ogre.
Let's stop beating Samantha up for selflishly not telling the wife sooner, and start trying to help get through this difficult ordeal.
