Cd admirers, why are there so many?

[Shananigans]

If I weren't in a relationship with my SO I wouldn't be hanging around in bars or on CraigsList looking for other CDers to have sex with. I wouldn't negate the possibility of being in a relationship with another CDer either, but the fact that he CDs would be just a small part of my overall attraction to him, should we hit it off.

That's a good point, Reine. If my SO and I were to break it off for some reason, I would still be open to dating another CD. But, it wouldn't take a precedence in my life. I would be just as likely to date a CD as I would a TS and any GG or GM (without gender conflicts). I think the difference between what we think of as an "admirer" and someone like you or me is that we wouldn't be the type to troll hard on a CD chat or CL to find another CD. The people that are doing that I STILL think are mainly fetishists for mixed genitalia or fetishists for "chicks with d*cks" that watch too much porn. (I hate saying that, but it's applicable). I wouldn't say that ALL are, but I feel it's true for the majority. And, I just find it very...odd. But, I find the whole racial fetish thing disturbing too. My best friend from middle school is Asian (though I argue that she is the whitest person I know), and she won't really date any guy that has dated Asians back-to-back. She calls them "Asiaphiles." When she told me this, I laughed my a$$ off...but, then, I realized she was serious. And, I got the same icky vibes that she did about the situation. She even found one of her boyfriends (now ex) on like an Asian fetish site and he was talking to other white guys about how Asian chicks are the best and about their tiny boobs and petite bodies. She said it made her feel like a joke.

Hmm. Several people in this thread have now said they are admirers. This is a bit tricky, because once again, we only have one term to describe two or more different things: the group of men known throughout this community who are specifically into men who are dressed as women and are into them just for sex, and all other people who might be attracted to a person for a long term relationship, who also are either CD or TS. (Although based on the sheer volume of posts from gay and straight CDs who say they have a hard time finding long-term partners, I'd say this is rather rare).

What to do? We might agree as a forum on the same understanding of the popular definition for "Admirer", and stop calling ourselves admirers when we are in fact attracted to someone who falls outside of the gender binary. Maybe we can simply say that we have an attraction, with the understanding that the "chick with d*ck" ideal is not the only thing that forms the attraction, and we are attracted for more than sex?

If two CDers or two TSs, or one CDer with a TS, or a cisperson with either a CDer or a TS find happiness in one another as a couple, would we call them admirers? I wouldn't.

^^^ THIS!!!! It's perfect!

I assume any guy who shows an interest in me knows what I am and frankly it doesn't matter to me if he digs T-girls exclusively or just wants to walk on the wild side for a bit. [...] Life is too short to hope nobody notices you, and God bless the "admirer", because queer T-girls need love too.

I'm asking this in all honesty...do you ever feel like you deserve better/sell yourself short? You seem like a well-educated, attractive person...don't you kind of want something a little more substantial? Or, do you just kind of feel that the guy that is into you for having read "what you are" is all that you can hope for?

I do agree with Alice Novik that a lot of the guys that my SO and I have bumped into seem to be kind of failed in some way. The guys that have been sort of shunned. I often wonder if they find home and a place with TG people because of how low some TG people's self-esteems might be. (I am not trying to imply that your self-esteem is low, and please tell me if I am reading too deeply...I do this ALL of the time). A lot of my friends (me included) put on a sort of game face when we go out, and we will plan ways to get around crazy guys at the bar that we don't have time to be bothered with. I wonder how many other GGs are playing this sort of game. And, I wonder how many TG people are all too flattered that the attention was paid towards them and fall into it.