No one can live well and fight about something for 5 or 10 years. The trick is to reach a compromise, and this means that both of you will need to give a little. Sierra, while I appreciate that it has escalated for you big time in the past month, it sounds as if you're saying that unless your wife comes on board with you 100% you're outa there? Is this what "so be it" means? It might well take take your wife longer than you hope, before she catches up to you. You've known or have felt tendencies for years now, and this is all pretty much new to her.
Sorry if I'm misreading your "so be it", if so I apologize. But a relationship between a CDer and a GG who has difficulty with the CDing can only survive if they both are patient with each other while they both stretch. She stretches to try to understand her husband's needs, and he stretches by slowing things down until she has caught up.