The elephant in MY room is starting to make some noise

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Those who know me in these pages understand that I have pushed many limits when it comes to minor body modifications (©VM )

Heh, not so minor when they add up. :-)
\..

I do tweeze the rest when I go out

Ouch!

so there is zero growth or shadow for about a week thereafter. That has to look a bit odd.

Most won't notice, probably just think you shave often/keep a razor handy in the car/at work.

Now add the long hair. I'm here to say all bets are off at this time.

Me Da didn't figure it out even with the long hair. In fact when I told him about teh trans (back when ID'd as a CD), his reply was "so that's why you've been growing your hair."

Case in point, meeting up with some friends a few weeks ago. I was the last to arrive when one of them greets me with "hey birthday girl". This is one of my best friends and I've shrugged off several similar comments in the recent past. This was simply another one.

Don't shrug them off. Call her up and mention the comments and ask her why she's been doing them. If she mentions teh trans, you might want to be forthright and apologize for not opening up to her sooner (I'm assuming it's a her)

I've promised myself of late that if any of my close friends were to call me out on this TG thing, that I would be honest in coming clean.

Me too.

the advice is oft given that no one will notice, just stay smooth. This is not true. People do notice these things.

That's the advice I'd give...because "most" don't notice, although there are always those who DO pick up on such things.

tick tock tick tock....

Stop that! It's MY job to do that.

All things being equal, yes, I would transition. I would have done so long ago if I knew then what I know now.

You make the VM very happy saying that.

I therefore find myself on the "middle path", a term that I heard elsewhere for the first time and whether or not my adoption of it fits the intended meaning, this is what it's all about for me.

It's not an exact match, most self-identified middle pathers over taht the place that originated the term identify as CD's not TS's, though they do tend to have significant femme lives. Non-transitioning transsexual is what you are.

Might some on the TS end of things think I'm less authentic by choosing to stay on this particular path? You bet.

That's true, and it's still true applied to me too.

At the same time, even though many would deny me this privilege, I also identify as female by virtue of what has been in my heart from day one. Yes, that and a few bucks would get me a latte at Starbucks but I think you can see my point.

I'm a little more careful with the term woman.... I personally feel I haven't earned my womanhood yet.

So for you middlepathers (MP - oh goody, a new acronym :D), how difficult is it to be in guy mode a bulk of the time? It must be unbearable if you are TSs who choose to remain with the status quo for the benefit of your families.

The term originated on mHB by the way. :-)

The analogy that was shared with me several years ago by my friend Christine Daniels was that it's like the white noise on a television set that isn't tuned to a channel. Some days that noise is quite loud and others it kind of fades into the background. Regardless, the noise is ever-present.

The analogy I've used is that it's like a background daemon process on a Unix/Linux system. Sometimes it's higher priority, using more of my mental resources, sometimes it's lower priority and mostly sleeping...but it's always running.

yet it's something that I'm reminded of constantly whether I like it or not.

I think about gender...a lot.

So to bring this full circle (welcoming my elephant back into the picture), while the changes I have made to my appearance might serve me well on the female side of the path, of equal importance (or perhaps even greater importance) is that these changes help me cope. The changes bring my outward appearance that much closer to what is in my heart which often provides some solace on even the darkest of days.

They did that for me too....I...stopped doing some of them though....I may talk about that sometime, but probably not.

Veronica