I think a lot of assumptions are usually made by both husband and wife (in this and a whole lot more things, not just about crossdressing!), and those incorrect assumptions wind up leading to the feeling of being lied to, even though it hasn't actually happened. Of course as a crossdresser myself, I don't see it as a betrayal; but I can see how Lola (or any other wife) would. Women (and I guess sometimes men as well, but not as often) gain some part of their own identity by who their mate is. That's nothing new; it may seem a bit backward, as women have made lots of progress in the past 100 years or so in making their own path in the world instead of just becoming 'Mrs' someone. So I can understand well why a woman might not want anyone to know that her husband is a crossdresser, and that is half of what I see is going on here. The other half is of course the fear that the crossdressing isn't simply bedroom play time, but that he may really want to be, or feel that he is, a female. It's a problem from both angles: We (crossdressers) do our best to minimize the 'problem' by not telling our SO's to what extent we feel the need to dress up, exactly because we fear she'll freak out about it, and she'll start on the whole 'You're not the man I married!' tirade, when we know that we haven't changed at all, only her perception of who we are, has. The real cause each of us crossdresses is so rarely known that it's often difficult to tell exactly how things will wind up.
And the problem with knowing the difference between 'pure kink/fetish' or something more, is sometimes it's a bit of both at the moment, because the affected person still doesn't know exactly what they are yet (not to mention, that we are continuously changing as we live, so that may change as well!).
