I've been thinking of responding for a while, and figured I had better do it before the thread gets closed. There are things I will say that I believe need to be said, but I really do hate saying them.

Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
But, a clothes closet that is dedicated to Sara lends an air of permanence and it is as serious to your wife, I'm guessing, as if you were deciding to begin taking hormones.
Yes, as do the mini-body-mods, especially the electrolysis.

Still. She should allow for adequate storage of clothing.
But, you need to be crystal clear with her right now about your ultimate goals. This business of bit-by-bit growth, and your wife also noticing your ever increasing need (and sheer joy) in expressing Sara, is torture to her, as I'm sure it is for you as long as there is an elephant in the room. Hiding an elephant is stressful both for the person hiding it, and the person who tries hard not to see it.
Yes. I think it's time for Sara and her wife to have the Big talk, the Long open and honest talk about The Elephant. It's not good to leave things unsaid, or to beat around the bush, it's time to "use the words"

If you can honestly say that you also have a male identity that YOU do not wish to eradicate (as opposed to saying you are attempting to maintain a balance out of your love for her), then TELL HER this in order to ease her fears.
We both know that Sara can't tell her that, which to be honest, isn't really fair to Sara's wife.

She's not interested in hearing that you are holding yourself back for her. She wants to know that you are not moving forward for YOU. If you cannot do this, then it might be best for the two of you to part company sooner than later. It's damn hard starting a life over, the closer one gets to retirement.
I agree.

Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
Counseling is such an obvious option, one that I didn't even remotely consider in the heat of the moment. We haven't gone there before, thank you for bringing it up. Sometimes stating the obvious can be such a good thing when one is blinded to most of what is around them.
And not just couples counseling...counseling for you to, you know why.

Yes, from her POV I am on that proverbial slippery slope. She has no idea what next week, next month, or next year might bring. Heck, neither do I. But the fact remains that I am committed to staying on this path. The reason this is lost upon her? It's really quite simple, a lack of communication when it comes to this huge elephant in our relationship.
You told a little fib there....you know where it's heading, you just can't bring yourself to say it yet. What you're doing is honorable yes, it's self-sacrifice, yes. But is it a "good" thing for you both. it denies the nonesty and reality of the thing. Because, as we both know:

I think she knows too well that I would eradicate the male in a heartbeat.
There, you said it. And you DO need to say it directly to her as well. Yes, I know what that will mean, but honesty is the most important thing.

At the end of the day, I cannot say anything but the fact that I am trying to maintain balance for her,
But from her perspective, she might not see balance, just ever increasing Sara. To her, Balance might be in what a TS acquaintance of mine once called the "pona time" aka "the before time" Before the Electro, before the brows, before the hair, before all the stuff that needs proper storage.

But it's not like there is a right or wrong answer here.
The right answer is putting all the cards on the table. Has your wife seen your writings here? Is she a member here? Has she been on one of your outings where you interact with people like your favorite counter-girls and Diana?

By the way...Raquel, your post is wonderful and unique in it's perspective. I will try to address it within the next day or two.
Nods... that you'll have to address too. Would your wife accept being part of a Lesbian relationship.

I also think it's time the kids were told, that would help with the logistics of it wouldn't it, changing at home would reduce some of the time requirements wouldn't it? Reduce some friction at least.

But as was said, there's a light on the Safe Haven for you. And I'm not being prescriptive or cheerleadery on this. You "know", deep in your heart what you truly want. It's why you did the electro, you might have said to her "it's for logistics so I can use less makeup and take less time with makeup and look nicer", but you really wanted a part of your maleness gone besides those reasons.

Veronica