Trying to accept that I am a transsexual

[abigailf]

Steph,

I just read this post for the first time and I only scanned through the replies but I wanted to reply all the same.

When I read it I remembered something someone told me once in a post. I was going to write it to you in my own words, but decided to take the time and look it up in the archives so I can credit the right person. The fact that I even remembered it after a year says its must have been worth saying. Thank you Melissa, I have hung on to those words all year.

Abigail, your situation sounds promising. I get concerned about the girls who have a laundry list of terrible things going on in their lives and seem to be looking for a way out. Those of us with great lives who should otherwise be happy owe it to ourselves to find out what it is that is holding us back. ....

Interestingly enough, shortly after my thread which Melissa responded that quote in, I had decided to fully transition. I was on HRT by September. I sit here now typing this with a splint on my nose. SRS will be next and as soon as the medical industry will allow me. There is no turning back. I don't even want to look back except that I had such great experiences I do not want to forget them entirely, I just want to reconstruct those memories with me as a tomboy instead of a (yuck, do I have to even say the word).

I was warned multiple times that to transition was to risk everything. I figured, if I am dead, I lose everything anyway, so I wasn't really risking all that much. I didn't truly get to understand what that meant until today, when I was heating up some soup for lunch and every time I opened a cabinet it was emptied by my wife who was packing things up to move into her new home with the kids.

To think about losing everything is one thing, but to experience it is a whole lot harder, especially without the aid of testosterone. They are my everything and I lost them - somewhat.

We both share a bond like few couples do and we are recreating our relationship. It is interesting because there is nothing to compare it to. I am not like a girlfriend because, well, let's face it, she did not have two kids with her other girlfriends. She never slept, with her other girlfriends. The fact of the mater is, I am a bit more than a girlfriend and she is too. We may be separated and on the way to divorce, but not as an angry hateful couple. Instead as two people who are doing what we must in order to save our relationship.

You have some tough decisions ahead and since you started this thread in July it is likely you have already made some.

I wish you luck and you are both in my prayers.