I get it we lied to our SOs. . . but please

[ReineD]

When you're up to your waist in quicksand, it doesn't do any good to hear "you shouldn't have walked there".

But you should accept the rope that is thrown thrown and/or warn others not to go there...

This is the crux of the argument.

Those who have told their wives with positive results advocate telling. I was told at the very beginning of my relationship and I advocate telling. Like it or not, it IS much easier for a GG partner to accept when she hasn't felt lied to.

But this does not mean that we crucify those who haven't told.

Why are the people who haven't told taking the advice to tell so personally? What's wrong with suggesting that CDers tell their wives/girlfriends early on if their relationships are only starting? A lot of people read these threads and if we can save one marriage from going bust because the wife did not know in the beginning, then that's a good thing.

The baby-boomer generation understandably could not have told at the beginning of their relationships. They did not have the resources that exist today nor did they have the self-awareness. But, in my view there is absolutely no reason for newcomers to the CDing to not disclose it to their partners in the beginning of their relationships. If the girlfriend or fiancée leaves, then a great deal of pain will have been circumvented in the long run.