My first wife couldn't stand it at all.five year marriage down the drain.second marriage im still married 36 years still this wife cant stand it i cant bring it up or she will leave .so im alone with this all my life i found this site it helps me so much .the people here are so helpful if i didnt have this site i would have left this world along time ago.Its a tuff thing to deal with. im 56 and all i want is acceptance and love .
Alice, there are definitely many women who are attracted to the hyper masculine men. Some of it is merely preference. We should understand that this is going to happen frequently, and all the better reason why you are doing the right thing by letting them know up front about yourself. Better to find the right one than to go through a train wreck later on and have such heartbreak anger and sadness because of it.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Gendermutt, re your comment above about the hyper masculine men. Let's put this in perspective.
How many ultra macho guys were there in your high school or college? The jocks on sports teams maybe? This leaves the vast majority of guys who would have been just regular guys, not ultra macho: the nerds, the quiet guys, the guys who minded their own business, the guys who weren't popular. So now imagine that most of them have found partners and they are in relationships today. This means that the vast majority of women DO NOT go for the ultra macho guys.
Sorry for being picky, but I can't tell you how often I read here the idea that women prefer ultra macho guys. This just isn't true. Most of us go for the regular guys, since this is what most of them are!
Reine
But I think it's true that we tend to expect them to stick to the standard male practices and get annoyed when they don't.Originally Posted by ReineD
Most of us go for the regular guys, since this is what most of them are!
Long before I knew anything about CDing except what's in pop culture, I found one boyfriend's voice irritating because it was high pitched, and I found my husband's preference for sitting when urinating to be weird. Obviously I married him anyway, but I did think it was odd that he wouldn't stand up to pee "like men do."
My wife of 45 years does the purging for me! Alas on two occasions she has returned early from trips away and discovered 'femme' items not stashed away. There follows a 'stop this or I'll throw you out' lecture, so I have to be doubly careful and not at all forgetful when I choose to dress.
M.
Yes Cding (or transexualism), it can be a sole reason to end a marraige especially if the SO is devout religious. Some women just can not take it. Probably more common it most likely can be the straw that breaks the camels back... I am going through the first two reasons now...I know I am trans, not CD though...
Last edited by JamieQ; 12-02-2013 at 07:52 PM.
I thought that too....In fact I forgave her and we tried to continue our marriage ( in which we did for another 7 years) but I think the damage was done already ,our marriage had a scar that never really healed ..Never any reason for cheating ,cding an issue ? Leave don't run around behind someones back ..
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
Can you define what a "regular guy" is Reine? Without telling what he isn't? I'm not sure I can. I'm also not sure he exists. What's a regular woman?Most of us go for the regular guys, since this is what most of them are!
Also, in the description you did give, you mentioned "nerds, quiet guys, and unpopular guys." What about the funny guys? The outgoing guys? The thin guys? The fat guys? The loudmouth guys? The shy guys? The liberal guy? The conservative guy? The religious guy? The new age guy? The musician guy? The neatnik? The slob? The house proud home decorator? (Hey, don't laugh, I have a brother-in-law who is a "regular guy" who is like this.) Joe six-pack? The football fanatic? The sports nut? The wine-snob? The poet? The biker guy? The motor-cycle guy?
What about personality type? For example, you described Type-B personalities. Are Type-A guys just not "regular guys?" I mean, you can have a forceful personality and not be a jock, right?
BTW, when did nerds get to be "regular guys?"
Does "regular guy" describe anyone?
Oh, my interest isn't academic! I hope one day to date a "regular guy"!(I also hope to own an unicorn ranch - we'll see if that happens either! :p)
Last edited by PaulaQ; 12-02-2013 at 09:09 PM. Reason: added more types of dudes.
I think your more spiritually advanced then you give yourself credit for. Would that you were My b#tch. Would take care of you. Straighten me out. Yep
I believe it could, although it depends a lot on the two people trying to deal with it. If one is terribly close minded and dead set against it (even if DADT) then, yes.
This is very true. Most of us, if we are hetero, do want our chosen male partners to be male. :p
But Gendermutt referred to an ultra masculine male. I imagined the stereotypical, insensitive and brutish sort of guy. Most of the guys that I know aren't like that. They actually change their kids diapers, help do the laundry, cook some meals, get mushy when they see some movies, hold their wife's purse when she needs them to, etc.
Reine
What about a cowboy of the sort John Wayne portrayed? Usually pretty intelligent, but extremely masculine? (I ask about this one because John Wayne is my wife's ideal of a masculine man.)
Reine- I might be guilty of some generalization here...The wording might be a bit strong "hyper" and many was general, doesn't really even mean most. What I was implying was that Cders are not going to be a choice for a substantial amount of women. I am trying to think of wording that just means a good number, but not necessarily most.Gendermutt, re your comment above about the hyper masculine men. Let's put this in perspective.
How many ultra macho guys were there in your high school or college? The jocks on sports teams maybe? This leaves the vast majority of guys who would have been just regular guys, not ultra macho: the nerds, the quiet guys, the guys who minded their own business, the guys who weren't popular. So now imagine that most of them have found partners and they are in relationships today. This means that the vast majority of women DO NOT go for the ultra macho guys.
Sorry for being picky, but I can't tell you how often I read here the idea that women prefer ultra macho guys. This just isn't true. Most of us go for the regular guys, since this is what most of them are!
You, and the other GG's who are on this board and continue with your relationships with your CD S/O's are open minded women at the least. Having struggles with the CDing does not mean a woman is not open minded, but open minded enough that they are choosing to continue or start a relationship with a CDer. There are still a good portion of women who might not despise the CDers but for themselves will be of the mindset of thanks but no thanks. The gender crossing is just not for them, they prefer their men to be only on the male side of the gender fence. Masculinity both physical and emotional is what they prefer, although it doesn't necessarily need to be just the ultra or hyper masculinity.
Paul Teutal Sr. (Orange county choppers) comes to mind as a standard bearer of the hyper masculine type guy. Unless someone like him has a truly horrible personality, women would choose someone like him over a feminine guy who also had a good personality, likely a good majority of the time. It is just the nature of a majority of men and women. my post was merely to remind and give support to Alice that She is doing the right thing by putting herself out there for who she is and finding someone who will be open minded.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
You're still thinking about this in a weird way. Women don't want Paul Teutal Sr. Women come in a range of types, and they like a range of types. It's true that most women want their men to follow mostly male cues in our society, but I think most of us violate the gender binary from time to time without causing a scene. A little looseness around gender roles is probably fine for most women; but at some point it goes over a line and makes the woman lose her attraction to the guy.
In other words, it's fine for the guy to carry his wife's purse while they're shopping; but if he says he'd like one of his own, that's going to ruffle more feathers.
I'm with you, JessM, regarding Paul Sr, the OCC patriarch. If that's the standard bearer for hyper masculine guys, women (and men!) beware of the baggage that comes with it: he's always right, a control freak, short temper, full of himself...etc..etc. I guess some people like that, I hope just not very many.
And this, everyone, is it in a nutshell! Jess you couldn't have described it any better than this.
Reine
So between ReineD & JessM (whom I both very strongly agree with on this matter, fwiw), we have concluded that too much gender variance can make a woman lose attraction to her spouse.
Do relationships NEVER end because one of the partners doesn't find the other attractive anymore, and that's the sole reason? Is that really then the assertion of this thread? In specific, I guess we're asserting that women wouldn't do this. I know for a solid verifiable fact that some men do this all the time - just ask any of the divorced women my age in Dallas who've been thrown over for a 20-30 year younger trophy wife! So it seems likely to me that the same could certainly end a marriage for a woman. Hey, attraction matters - and if that's gone, you've kicked a fundamental pillar out from under the marriage, right?
I think it would for me. I'm a CD, and that's enough. When I find out that a man CDs, even if it's just wearing women's underwear or something like that, I am completely turned off to him sexually after that. I like a masculine/feminine balance when in a relationship. I like to be the feminine part of the relationship and I like my man to be completely masculine (not wearing women's clothes at all).
I came out to a girlfriend once, that was enough pain and humiliation once she dumped me, and proceeded to tell everyone else around me.
After 24 years of marriage my SO does not know of my hidden kinks.
Even if I came out and was able to wear some of the " FUN " costumes she has in the bedroom, I would still not tell her about my past.
Thank you for the kind words!And this, everyone, is it in a nutshell! Jess you couldn't have described it any better than this.
Just want to underline that it often happens like that, but not always. For myself, I've found that I'm not attracted to my husband en femme, but once he's back in male mode, I'm attracted to him again. For some people, like FemmeElastique, just knowing that a guy wears panties is enough to end the attraction permanently, but for many of us, we can hold that knowledge in a separate part of our brain (like having an extra dessert stomach, lol), and still maintain the attraction when the women's clothes come off.
well, I am still going to stand by what I am not so successfully attempting to say... is that if the choice was hyper masculine or feminine, as in the only choice hypothetically, then a majority of women will choose a over b if both had decent personalities. It is for the many of us who have wives and gf's here our personalities that get us through and we continue on with our relationships. Granted, there are some women who do prefer effeminate men, but they are in the minority.
I would even say that there is a greater number of women who bounce around from one d bag masculine guy to another, getting cheated on and treated poorly but then immediately take a pass on a fem guy or one who dresses and acts so occasionally, regardless of his personality. There are more women like that then there are who will opt for a Cder who has a great personality.
My wife grew up in a good but very patriarchal setting. Very christian based. And her choice of men up to me has been predominantly the more masculine type. Burned pretty much every time by them. Even then, she still struggles with the fact I CD. Even though she does not see it, it really does not effect her to any extent, and what changes she has seen in me are not major, just being more free with the femininity I do have. I am still pretty much the same guy she married. It is still a major struggle for her at times. She has told me she is not certain she would have had a relationship with me if she knew beforehand. At the time she had almost no knowledge of what real CD's are or can be anyway. I am also fairly certain that if it wasn't for how good our relationship is in all other areas, the CDing would have likely ended the relationship. She thought seriously about leaving me after I told her. I didn't even have a secret life, wardrobe, was a member here or at any other CD sites. I only told her I always had the desire and felt it was time for me to explore those desires. Just a handful of times where I would briefly wear some of her clothes. My wife is among the more open minded women overall too. Especially seeing as how she grew up.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Just about any owner of a business will have a similar mindset, and I can more or less say for certain than any owner of a mechanical shop, especially performance based, they may not look like Paul Sr, but they will act quite a lot like that. At least when it comes to the business. Outside of that they may be totally different, as I would not be surprised if Paul Sr may not be quite what is portrayed on the show.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
I would have walked away if my husband in his twenties had been as much into crossdressing as he is now. It takes up quite a bit of our budget and our shared time, and I wouldn't have tolerated that back in our twenties. Why would I choose to have children with someone who would then spend so much of his time hiding himself from his children? Why would I choose to spend my life with someone whose favorite way to dress makes him unattractive to me?
But I'm glad for the twenty years I got to spend with a great guy (while he kept his crossdressing so minimal that I didn't know about it). And I'm grateful for the time I still have with him-as-a-guy, even though it's less than I expected to have, because of the secret lifestyle. But I accept that people change over time and that the situation could be much worse.
I suspect you're right. The more reality shows that are thrown on the screen, the less real they seem to be. Those Housewives of [insert location here] that scratch each others' eyes out on TV are probably arm in arm while skipping to the bank.
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