Quote Originally Posted by Jane277 View Post
To those who disagree and say telling nearly cost you your marriage, your spouses have every right to be hurt, angry, and want to leave, your cding should have been discussed before you got married, they have every right to know exactly who they were marrying, so they could choose whether or not they wanted to continue the relationship. sorry but that has and always been my stance on marriage. Total openness, and honesty. Me and my wife even wrote that into our vows 20,years ago. Just my 2 cents.
Sorry, but that's a one sided blind statement. There are any number of reasons you may wish to keep this from your SO. It doesn't mean you aren't being honest, rude or whatever you'd like to call it. I told my wife after around 10 years of marriage. We are happy and we are very much still together. CDing isn't discussed and we are very DADT. There are many reasons I didn't tell her which are personal to our circumstances. There are also many times I've wanted to tell her but our current outcome is probably the best that I could have hoped for. The reason I say that is because I know my wife more than anyone else does - and that includes anyone on this forum. Sorry to be harsh about it and I'm not singling you out Jane, but there is a general feeling on here that telling your SO is a 'must'. It isn't and only you can decide if your relationship can cope with what is almost certainly going to be a change in direction for you both.