Telling or not telling the wife

[Becky Blue]

To those who disagree and say telling nearly cost you your marriage, your spouses have every right to be hurt, angry, and want to leave, your cding should have been discussed before you got married, they have every right to know exactly who they were marrying, so they could choose whether or not they wanted to continue the relationship. sorry but that has and always been my stance on marriage. Total openness, and honesty. Me and my wife even wrote that into our vows 20,years ago. Just my 2 cents.

Jane firstly as others have said for most of us things change when I got married I did not have Becky, i did not feel any strong urges to dress etc... the fact that I had occasionally put on an item of female clothing was of little relevance at that time. Things changed almost 20 years after marriage, suddenly telling isn't THAT simple.

Secondly as you put it so well, to you and your wife CLEARLY total openness and honesty is paramount. For other couples perhaps that is less important. Perhaps respect of the others feelings ranks higher than openness for some and perhaps sparing her the pain of knowing something that will upset her for little gain is more important.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I believe that's a fair statement, but we should recognize that a secret like that, if it does come to light outside the context of a proactive disclosure ("Honey, we need to talk about something..."), it is likely to be even more traumatic or destructive. For that reason, I would always suggest early disclosure, even if, like many of us, it has only become a thing after many years in the relationship. In other words, I believe that honesty is the better bet, but a gamble it will always be.

Kelly, surely it depends on each couple's unique dynamic? Perhaps for some having 30 years of blissful ignorance followed by the trauma of discovery is a better option than a lifetime of disappointment? Not saying either is better I am saying not everyone is the same.