You've been consistently and completely honest with your wife from the beginning. I admire this and my heart goes out to you. I understand your frustration and current unhappiness.
I read your post from October 2013 where you describe having dated your wife for a year and having just come out to her. You said that at first she didn't like the idea of the CDing, but she was coming around with doing makeup, going shopping, etc, and you were "cautiously optimistic" about her overall acceptance. And then you didn't post anything else about your relationship until now.
Several things come to mind.
First, Please don't listen to the people here who say that your wife tricked you. It is easy to misconstrue another person's intentions or feelings about something unless the communication about the issue is crystal clear, with everything spelled out in great detail. And very few people are good at doing this. Reading through the lines, it sounds to me as if your wife did let you know in the beginning that she wasn't thrilled about the CDing, and as her feelings toward you deepened she tried to get involved and support you. You say that she now claims that she only supported you to "land" you. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I was also supportive of my own SO's CDing when we started dating because frankly, I had fallen in love with him and I wanted to land him too!Why wouldn't I have been supportive. I am in a different situation than your wife though. My SO and I are both past middle age, it is a second long-term relationship for both of us, and we certainly are well past having young kids in the house.
But, sadly things can and do change in any relationship as partners learn more about the CDing and how it fits into their lives, especially when the relationship becomes established after the first throes of new love settle down. And to complicate matters, your wife went from being a new wife to a new mother of two young children! Having kids most certainly changes any GG's priorities. So knowing what I know of GGs and human nature in general, I think your wife sincerely tried to be supportive (because she did and I am sure still does love you), but having young children around changed all of that. Do you want to come out to your kids? Or to your neighbors? Or to the people you work with? I'm guessing this is a big concern for your wife?
Second, you describe your wife as taunting you with talk about the sexy things she wants to wear. I honestly do not think she is doing this on purpose to torment you. If you keep the CDing under lid for her, she likely has no idea that you feel tormented. She cannot know what it feels like to be a suppressed CDer unless you spell it out. I also have something to add about you giving your opinion "as a guy", but please see my note about this at the end of my post.
Third, it is my impression that you see things in black and white? Either she supports you or you suppress it? You do want to share the CDing with someone, I understand this, and you would like that person to be your wife, but sadly right now this is not possible as you would like it. As your children get older this may change, but my suggestion for now is to find a support group that you can share it with.
This is what I suggest you communicate to your wife:
1. I need to crossdress.
2. I understand that you do not want to be involved, and I respect this, but this doesn't take away my need.
3. I need to share the CDing with someone else. I don't want to come out to people we know or work with, and for this reason I would like to be freer with the CDing (or CDing topics) around you, but if you are uncomfortable with this I would like to find a support group of other CDers and their wives.
4. Please understand that I am not looking for a sexual relationship with anyone. I just want to talk about fashion, makeup, or other feminine things with people who understand where I am coming from, who do not judge me negatively, and who share my interests.
5. Again, I understand that you don't want to be involved, but once I find a support group, please know that you always would be welcomed to join me. I have heard of groups where CDers and their wives meet occasionally for dinner in a private (or next town over) setting, where there is no risk of running into family, friends, or coworkers, and I will try to find such a group.
6. I would also like to dress a bit more freely at home after the kids have gone to bed, and I ask for your tolerance. Would you hate it terribly if I dressed for a few hours in the evening once in awhile, and we just carried on doing whatever it is we do? The evening doesn't have to revolve around talking about clothes or grooming, or painting fingernails, etc. We could just watch a movie together and be normal except for the clothes I am wearing.
7. What are your thoughts about all of this?
I hope you will give serious thought to taking a different approach with your wife.
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Note on giving your opinions "as a guy": Why must your opinion be as a guy, or as a girl? Why can't it be simply on whether or not you like the outfit on her? Wives ask their husbands? opinions like that all the time!
You mention wanting to tell her how you would wear the outfit, but as a GG, I can tell you that when a friend asks whether I like an outfit on her or not, the last thing I want is to turn the conversation around and make it all about me and how I would wear it! This just seems so selfish and competitive! GGs don't do that to their friends unless they are immature or completely self-involved! If my friend asks about whether an outfit suits her, I don't even think about how the outfit would look on me or how I would wear it. I look at her objectively and do my best to give an honest answer (tactfully if I don't think the outfit looks good on her), just like any husband would.
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Bravo!!Originally Posted by Linda Stockings
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This is a long thread, sorry I've just read this. It might be a good idea to find a therapist if you can't find a CD support group. But the issue should be about improving the communication with your wife more than the CDing in itself. It sounds as if you know yourself well and what you need, but you don't feel you are getting it from your wife and because you want to keep the CDing private, it is difficult to share it with anyone. I also would recommend you and your wife taking the time to see see a marital counselor, so that you can both get to the bottom of what each of you needs in your marriage. I would hate to see your marriage get to the point where your (or your wife's?) frustrations mount to the point of divorce and breaking up your children's family.
