Me too! LOL. You do have a way of putting things. :DOriginally Posted by Badtranny
Not really, if you compare your thoughts to the other GGs. Many wives feel the same way you do. And although I support my SO's need to dress, there were aspects of it that I found hugely difficult and painful to understand.
I get confused about this too. It's very difficult to determine why there seems to be such euphoria (pink fog) involved with expressing an alternate gender especially in the beginning. And, what wife wants to be married to a partner who appears to feel this enamored about something that is outside his relationship with his wife? We're talking about more than a love of golf here, and more than just taking on the expression of femininity as yet another facet of a CDer's personality. The highs seem to be akin to the highs that most of us experience when we first fall in love!
My SO and I began our relationship just as he was beginning to step out of his closet, going out in the mainstream in the next town over, very much during the time when I was still in the "new love" phase of our relationship. Without going into all the details, eventually it did feel as if his priorities had shifted away from me, and he was falling out of love with me. I was devastated and the only way I could survive was to also step back emotionally from him ... not because I was against the idea that he needed to express femininity, but because I felt that it was by far his most profound source of emotional joy, and at the time I felt that he could never feel the same way about me. I did not want to be in an unequal relationship, where he was my heart's priority, while expressing femininity was his, this was just too hard. So I also managed to pull away emotionally (I was not able to break it off entirely), to the point where I accepted that we only had a casual, part time sort of "dating" relationship … not the intimate, emotional connection between soul mates that I thought we had had. Slowly I began to detach and it was heartbreaking for me. We tried talking about all of this at the time, but we were both on different pages and the talks were not successful.
I can't pretend that I know what my SO was experiencing during that stage of our relationship, if it was pink fog over his increased feminine expression or if there were other relationship issues outside the CDing that were affecting the distancing. But, just as I felt that our relationship was ending, things began to change. I don't know if he noticed that we were having issues and he made a concerted effort to improve things, of if the focus/priority of experiencing all these wonderful new aspects of the CDing abated naturally as my SO found a way to incorporate expressing her femininity into his regular life, OR, if I just slowly stopped looking at the Cding through the lens that I had looked at it previously. Probably it was a combination of all these things. So now, things have settled down considerably for both of us. We're back in the proverbial saddle again.
My point in sharing this is to tell you that if your husband has it in him, as you say, to "be even more gender confused" (which really means questioning whether he is transsexual and wanting to transition), then no amount of suppression or non-acceptance from you with stop this. It may delay the final decision a bit, but in the meantime the two of you will continue to experience an uncomfortable push/pull with all of this. On the other hand, if your husband is NOT a transsexual (like my SO), then allowing him to express himself on a regular basis will help him to reach the place where he is happy with his own routine, and it will cease to take on epic proportions in his mind.
Among the vast majority of CDers, "more CDing" does not lead to wanting to become a woman, although it seems as if the members who do feel this way are pretty vocal around here ... as they should be. When you think of it, the members who are struggling with whether they are women or not do need to work through a lot more stuff than someone who knows who they are. My SO has not participated in this forum for well over a year. S/he's too busy!
