This is true. The husbands married a woman in every sense of the word. And if she cannot have children she isn't any different than birth women who also cannot have children.Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
Yet, there is still a difference and it has nothing to do with actual gender. It has more to do with the spouse's perception of what is gender, if this spouse is ignorant of what we know here.
Most people, although it is rapidly improving, have no concept of gender other than the idea there are genetic men who believe they are men, genetic women who believe they are women, and nothing else except in movies. Until I got to know transwomen and transmen, my own knowledge was nebulous at best. Also, most people do have preconceived ideas that chromosomes define a man or a woman, even if they are wrong. It would be nice if schools provided a much more comprehensive education of gender and sexuality, and if everyone were raised in a progressive, bias free environment but sadly this isn't currently the case in our society.
So, there is a risk a spouse might feel lied to if he doesn't know the history and inadvertently discovers the past. You see this all the time on the other side of the forum with the GGs. I know that a TS and a CD are entirely different. But the similarity lies in their spouses. There is something that a GG needs to learn if she ever finds her husband's "stash" and that is, her man is still the man she has always known. In the TS's husband's case, if for any reason he should ever discover his wife's past, he needs to somehow realize that his wife is still the woman he has always known. Unfortunately, both the CD's wife and the TS's husband may feel aggrieved and be less likely to have an open mind if they feel they were lied to. They would also feel hurt by the lack of trust. They stand a much better chance to be willing to internalize their new understanding and move forward if they are told the history by their spouses rather than finding out by accident.
Now if both the CD's wife and the TS's husband are entrenched in the trans community, or they've had training in gender and sexuality and are as familiar with the realities as everyone here, it likely wouldn't be a big deal should they find out from someone else that their assumptions about their spouses were incorrect. The assumptions being, in the CD's wife's case that her husband doesn't wish to present as a woman occasionally and in the TS's husband's case, that his wife was born XX.
I still believe that to tell or not to tell is entirely the TS's option. But, I'm just afraid that she would risk losing her husband should he learn of her past through other means than through her.
