The elephant in MY room is starting to make some noise

[ReineD]

But conversely, whether I consider myself to be TS or female, finding a degree of fulfillment as a male doesn't take anything away from the truth that resides in my heart.

I'm relieved to read this, for several reasons. First, you and others who feel like you aren't spending half your lives hating it (however you want to define "it"). Second, if it was unbearable being in guy mode, I can't help but think this would shine through, resentments would build even if they were subconscious, and your families would feel the disconnect or the stress.

So to bring this full circle (welcoming my elephant back into the picture), while the changes I have made to my appearance might serve me well on the female side of the path, of equal importance (or perhaps even greater importance) is that these changes help me cope. The changes bring my outward appearance that much closer to what is in my heart which often provides some solace on even the darkest of days.

I didn't mention this earlier but my SO also has long hair (mid-back), long finger nails, pierced ears, shaved legs, clipped arm hair, etc. At first I took it that she had decided to maintain this in guy mode in order to make it easier and faster to just go out when she wanted to. It doesn't take her any longer to shower and apply her makeup as it does me. But now I know that she feels better about herself looking as feminine as she can all the time. I'm guessing there are aspects of her male appearance that she just hates. I also think that some people notice "he" is different from other men, maybe they connect the dots, maybe they judge, but then maybe they don't. We'll never know. My SO is out to all the people we know, whom we also know are open to the notion of gender variance.

My SO identifies as dualgender which I suppose is another word for middlepather. Who knows? Some people may feel just as she does and identify as TS.