And also, the further you get from healthy BMI. lol ... and this goes for GGs as well. :pOriginally Posted by UNDERDRESSER
But seriously, the idea of not feeling attractive in male mode is behind a seemingly universal distaste for taking pride in and building up a decent male wardrobe. Even my own SO falls into this, and just this year, he finally bought new clothes for himself for the first time since I've known him. And they do look very nice! (BTW, my SO is also gorgeous as a male).
Reine
So true! Yes, I am starting to get more interested in building up my male wardrobe, with my SO's support I should add. I'm going to be looking at some Indian inspired stuff she has talked about, still a bit feminine looking from a Western perspective.And also, the further you get from healthy BMI. lol ... and this goes for GGs as well. :p
But seriously, the idea of not feeling attractive in male mode is behind a seemingly universal distaste for taking pride in and building up a decent male wardrobe. Even my own SO falls into this, and just this year, he finally bought new clothes for himself for the first time since I've known him. And they do look very nice! (BTW, my SO is also gorgeous as a male).
I think some of my distaste for a bigger male wardrobe has been that I see much of as displaying how financially succesful one is. I don't like that, and anyway, I've never been that succesfull financially!
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
And you don't think this is true for women as well? :D
Think of all the high priced designer clothes and the expensive fine jewelry, pricey Louboutin shoes, $700 leather bags, etc. These are definitely economic status symbols, that the less expensive clothing & accessories manufacturers strive to mimic.
Last edited by ReineD; 09-18-2012 at 03:06 PM.
Reine
Good point, but they may have been bought by a previous BF, and the primary purpose is to display the body don't you think? It is also fairly easy to find cheap female clothes that can display in a similar manner.
Last edited by UNDERDRESSER; 09-18-2012 at 03:11 PM.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
No. The choice of presentation/adornment, for everyone, is very much a desire to reflect one's socio-economic status and values, whether a person likes to portray him/herself as an academic type, a bohemian type, an athletic type, a relaxed shabby/chic type, a successful business person, etc.
People use clothes to reflect who they feel they are and this goes for cisgenders as well as people who use clothes to reflect an alternative internal gender.
Just look at all the varied styles here, anything from the hippie chic, the goth, the business woman, the suburban wife ... each one of these looks reflects a particular socio-economic class.
Last edited by ReineD; 09-18-2012 at 03:26 PM.
Reine
All good points, but don't you think that many women's styles also have a very definite "body display" aspect that most men's don't?
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
Hi Doormat (it's so hard to address you that way)
I can absolutely see your viewpoint, that CDing is an addictive and self perpetuating activity, that we all (cDers) feel comes to define us. It's hard to not see it in the pink fog, but your words would pretty much sum up my wife's view of it. She doesn't understand and doesnt care to read books, consider what it would be like to live with me if I ever dressed around her. But I can understand that she doesn't understand why I can't just turn it off, stop it and concentrate on other things. It's like being stuck in a loop and yes, you're right, no one can truly understand what it is like to be a genetic girl. We approximate it, sometimes tragically. But I just passed a woman on the street who approximates a stereotype of femininity that borders on the overcompensating - decked out in "trashy chic" that was an amazing display of a hard right turn on the feminine spectrum. Where an I going with this?
Oh yeah - your spouse seems to be asking too much of you and needs more. More acceptance. I suspect that your spouse wants something that he can't have, and there's a certain allure in that. But it comes at a cost to you and it sure seems like its too much.
I totally get the yuck factor of seeing your guy in a dress. You are who to are and you don't find it acceptable at all. Thats something he wants to change. It's unfair of him to ask you to if it's beyond your comfort level. In fact I think its rated selfish. However hard your marriage might be I don't believe he knows how lucky he is that you tolerate the DADT policy.
You two are at a stalemate I find my marriage in. Only he gets to dress. I don't. I've pretty much given it up and every day is torture. So maybe he should suck it up, join a support group if he wants some affirmation, and get thee both into couciling so you both can't figure out why he's pushing and if the
Marriage can be saved. From your attitude it seems like you're on the fence. Maybe he doesn't know that.
Good luck and hope you can work it out, if it works for you both.
Darla
This is certainly something that I can relate to as well, and is what probably accelerated my descent down that slippery slope called "crossdressing"....But seriously, the idea of not feeling attractive in male mode is behind a seemingly universal distaste for taking pride in and building up a decent male wardrobe. Even my own SO falls into this, and just this year, he finally bought new clothes for himself for the first time since I've known him. And they do look very nice! (BTW, my SO is also gorgeous as a male).
I remember even as a young child being envious of the pretty clothes that girls were allowed to wear, as well as the enormous variety of styles, colors, materials etc. that they were comprised of. What a difference compared to the universally boring and uniform styles of clothing that were foisted upon us males, and where boldly colored and patterned neckties were about the only way that we could show some individual flair. Even better, girls were allowed to wear skirts, dresses AND pants, and every day, the trip to the closet to decide what to wear was an adventure, with so many possibilities available for mixing and matching and creating an individual "look". And the shoes...OMG, the shoes...and the make up...and the jewellery...and the accessories...!
Girls had so many options to make themselves look pretty and camouflage any perceived flaws they had regarding their appearance and body shape with judicious clothing choices, as well as a liberal application of make up and ever-changing hairstyles. No wonder that we teen-aged boys felt that we looked like total dweebs in comparison, and our self-esteem usually dwelled in the basement. These goddesses lived on another planet for all intents and purposes, and we could never be their equals. They also seemed as unattainable as those Playboy models and centerfolds that became our solace as we wrestled with our budding sexuality.
To DM's point, then - and I believe that Reine touched on this as well in another post - is it any wonder that some of us crossdressers appear to be cases of arrested development when it comes to our female clothing choices? After all, we never were 16 year-old girls who were able to experiment with make up and get their urge to dress sexily and provocatively once they hit puberty out of their systems at that time. And so, we make up for lost time (and opportunity) as we fast forward this process in our middle-aged years before ultimately settling on a more flattering and age-appropriate look that we can actually take out in public.
As DM continues to struggle with H's crossdressing and his apparent need to involve her in it (and to some extent, be "in her face" with it), perhaps she can take solace in the fact that it is probably just a phase within the larger context of his coming to terms with his "inner" girl (a.k.a. the infamous "Pink Fog"). This is a phase that in all likelihood, he will eventually outgrow as comes to terms with his transgenderism and lands in his own particular comfort zone, and where he can perhaps retreat back to a true DADT compromise with her that both can live with.
And yes, like many crossdressers here, I also feel that I make a far more attractive woman than a man when fully made up, although my wife seems quite happy with me in the looks department when in "guy" mode. Make up can do wonders as the crossdresser soon discovers and is very addictive, and the consensus here seems to be that when properly made up, most of us look a good 10 years younger than our biological age. This just adds to the "high" and is one more reason why we find our crossdressing so fascinating and appealing.
But I have also become so hooked on my female wardrobe and how much fun it is to dress en femme for the reasons already given above that I, too, have let my male wardrobe decline through attrition, and really have to force myself now to buy something new when it requires replacement or an update. This has become another bone of contention between my wife and myself, and she often feels compelled to buy me something new herself that she feels I will look good in when I appear to be letting myself go in the "drab" department.
Last edited by Leslie Langford; 09-19-2012 at 08:57 AM.
HI Doormat
You represent the 99% of the women in the world in that not only dislike the idea of your husband cross dressing but it is actually repulsive to you. I think you are 100% normal. It's also normal to say do what ever floats your boat but count me out. I think he is about as big of a self centered jerk as you are likely to ever find. He's basically telling you that he fully understands your feelings and doesn't care. Maybe you should make him read your post on this website before he becomes one of the criers that posts on here "well, its over...she left me but I am still wearing my bra....poor pitiful me".
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