Refusal to accept is definately the root of the problem I think.Originally Posted by deja true
He claims that he's never done this before, that it's just a new thing that's come on since I've been in his life. Gawd...How frustrating is that to hear? Please...how insulting. So he's using me to justify this to me. It doesn't help that I'm a New Yorker, living in London and he's from a quaint little nicey nicey English village so communication wise what I consider gentle pressure could be interpreted as coming on like a steam roller.
Well, I know I'm not going to get thru and I know I intimidate her/him...and I know he's ashamed and I know he/she (very hard to call him her) needs a friend but it's not gonna happen. I''m hoping time will change that....
Tried that...he claims that this is all new and apparently just popped up out of nowhere so when I brought that up he acted all offended. How do you respond to that?
Both really. He's appears super confident. But god forbid I mention that someone else is attractive or not notice something he's done. He takes everything so personally. So...I knew he had self esteem issues but all of this new stuff sure explains all of that, I guess. Phew...hard enough dealing with a touchy man, now I have to deal with an insecure woman too.
Imagine this...your wife has a secret. Your underwear starts disapearing. So do your stockings. One day, she drops a bomb on you. It's something you can't even begin to understand. She needs you to tho, it's "who she is". She needs an entirely new wardrobe, is shopping like crazy -12 of everything isn't enough, it takes over your life. She has to do it, she needs to express herself. And you need to accept an entirely new personality. She splits apart in front of you and can't even explain to you what she's going thru or why or how it feels...nothing. On top of that, your social life completely changes, you spend evenings in because she can't leave the house and express herself the way she needs to. it's now your secret too. This new person is moody, touchy, confused and probably needs therapy. There's not alot you can do to help. She expects you to understand and accept this new alter ego. You begin questioning her sexuality, your own and you have no idea where this may lead. How many men...or women...are wired to accept something like that. I don't think many men would be very accepting at all. I don't know why it's not a problem for me, why I haven't flinched, we are all different but it's alot to ask another person to accept at face value.
ReineD...thank you so much for the excellent post and fantastic advice. It's very much appreciated and taken to heart. Here's an example of how touchy he/she is...when I dared use the word supportive he got all upset because "just because I like to wear women's clothing to relax doesn't mean I need support. You make it sound like I have a problem". There's apparently not a thing I can say....
