I was so ready to answer this but now I am dumbfounded. The wedding night is really well beyond the telling your spouse stage. This is something that no matter what you think is important for your future partner to know. It isn't something where you roll over, smile and say "gee that was fun and now that we are committed forever, let me tell you a few secrets." Is this so hard to grasp for some here? This is a commitment you all say that, it isn't just a let's see how it goes for a few weeks and then make a decision. Let's try something here. You get married you have visions of 2.3 kids, white picket fence, vacations in Disneyworld and on your wedding night your wife says she cannot have children and does not even like children, hates New England cottages or anything that has to do with picket fences and is afraid of Goofy. Yes I know that is over simplistic. What if she fails to disclose a marriage she is in? Her religious tenets that preclude you from doing certain things together. There are a myriad of possibilities. Yes you can say we will get counseling but that may never change her mind on any of it (just like you can never "cure" being transgendered). You make it worse by hiding all this for years. Years you cannot get back. Years that you could have had those children or house or visited the Magic Castle. Your whole concept seems to be reinforcing self centeredness in marriage. It is, last time I checked except in some rigid religions, an equal partnership, even Steven, good for goose and gander.Originally Posted by EllieOPKS
While I agree that there should be some interests that are not shared, say fly fishing or movies or using a metal detector on the beach, if it will in any way affect your relationship it should be revealed. And being a CD will affect your relationship. And you KNOW this before you get married, you know what she thinks of most things in life, yet you remain silent...fear of never finding someone?? Fear that no one will ever love you for who you are??? Willing to hide for your sake, not theirs. I hear so often here that people hide this to protect the marriage, the children, the job. No you are protecting what YOU want to protect. You are not considering your spouse. If she does not like cross dressers and you know it you hurt her chance at happiness because she will find out. And it is easier to get on with life if you don't have all the "things" you gather as you live together.
Ok I know I am yelling into the wind here. I know that 90% of the members here are just like Clark Kent. You don't have to announce it from the mountain top but you have to tell the ones who rely on the image you are projecting. The have a vested interest in this life.
Well duh, you know the answer. If you knew the stove was on would you have touched the burner? Samantha had a real good idea that stove was hot but kept almost touching the burner, how close can I get before I get burned. That may have been part of the thrill, how bad can I be and still get away with it? Maybe even thinking it is easier to apologize than to ask permission. If Samantha could turn back the clock, I am sure she would have.Samantha, final questions - If you had it all to do over again, knowing what you know now - would you still have CD'd over the years? Would you have ever told your wife of your hobby had she not found your computer on?
I still think there is a deeper problem here and cross dressing is just a convienent excuse and as long as Samatha remains afraid od being exposed it will be a fulcrum in the separation, one that even though not a legal issue will be an issue in who gets what and when. I think honestly that snooping in someone's history in the browser is very low and really an indication of the morality of the snooper as much as the snoopie. There was a trust problem long before the computer was left on
