This is why I find DADT so frustrating...(a GG perspective)

[DonniDarkness]

Doormat,

Hi my name is Donni. Im a married crossdresser and i have a wife that supports me, but it was never an easy path to get where we are today with acceptance and understanding about each other. I have written a great deal about our experiences, anxieties, and fears on this forum. I wanted to add some things to this thread that i thought might help your perspective.

Reading your posts in this thread i hear a woman who really loves her husband and is IN LOVE with the Idea that she has the man of her dreams. Now, Crossdressing and Transgenderism has thrown a man sized monkey wrench into your perspective of your husband as a Masculine man.

As crossdressers most of us go thru phases of self acceptance, Denial, depression, anxiety, and euphoric daydreaming (pink fog). It sounds like your hubby is going thru self acceptance and struggling with anxieties about who he is as a Transgender Man.
Thats why all of a sudden he is seeking your Validation and Participation. He is trying to tell you that this is an important part of who he is and he craves and needs your acceptance because he is in love with you. Your important to him and without your participation even in conversation about Crossdressing and his Transgender needs, it just adds more anxiety to his dysphoria. He needs to be able to talk to you about this part of his life, even if you decide you want nothing to do with crossdressing. Your HIS Wife, he needs that soft hearted ear to listen and help him guide his path through the frustrating times and the good times. So even if you decide to never be a part of crossdressing, i humbly implore you to at least listen to him and continue to educate yourself on what it means to be Married to a Crossdresser, so that way you can help and support him emotionally and mentally throughout the rest of your lives together.

You keep repeating the phrase in different words "Ive lost my husband!?"

Have you really lost him? Does he live his life happily married to you and support you as a Husband should? Protector, Father to your children, Housedad/Help with income and finances.....(the list goes on and is different for every couple). If he does all these things and has made you so happy and made you fall in love with him just by being the man you always wanted to fall in love with...you need to ask yourself truly why your so upset about the idea that you have lost this man you love. Hes still there....the only thing that has changed is what you know about his self identity as a Crossdresser.

The clothes, makeup and wigs are all just objects that help the rest of the world perceive us as we perceive ourselves. Crossdressing is an illusion for the rest of the world that would normally see us as just another average joe. The illusion is a outlet for us and it is also a cause of internal turmoil throughout our interpersonal struggles.
At times we crave more than just the illusion...we need validation from the ones we love and respect. Thats the major reason your hubby would love to giggle like girls and put on make-up and play dress up with you. It not that hes trying to change your outlook on crossdressing, hes seeking to have some social interaction with someone he loves and respects.

Socially we go through some pretty awkward phases. As men we are told to deny all feelings, emotions and fears....because men are "supposed" to be hardened, emotionally shut off and never scared of anything.....But some of us are still all the things we should be perceived as....just some of have a really innate urge to rock a mini skirt....but id still WALK THROUGH FIRE to be there for my wife when she needs me. Why?...Because im madly in love with her.

From my side of things in this thread i dont think that you really want to leave him for being a crossdresser....you just need to be reminded that your man is still there for you when you need that knight in shining armor to sweep your worries away. If thats the case then tell him so. Communication is what all the successful CD relationships have, even if they are DADT.


If you or your husband have any specific questions feel free to PM me. Im here to try and help.

Tough and Fabulous,
-Donni-