"Im so tired of needing to always be a man"

[MatildaJ.]

She seemed so strong when I met her. She changed, or maybe I overlooked something fundamental, or maybe I somehow undermined her, in the most loving, but enabling way.

Sounds like you're saying it's possible that you brought gender rigidity to the marriage, and boxed both of you in so that she had to be the weak one and you had to be the strong one. I think what BadTranny and I are talking about is trying to encourage people to do as much as they can to break down those rigid boxes, even without coming out of any kind of closet.

I find it fascinating that women who tell others... "be prepared to lose everything" (which is sound advice!), feel free to tell fearful gender variant individuals who are at some unknown place on the spectrum "oh you go girl! Dip your toes in the water! It's all GOOD!"

I'm a fan of more cultural change, of the sort that led to women being able to wear pants and men being able to have long hair. I encourage everyone to try to get past the rigid boxes. For most men, that won't mean wearing lipstick or stockings. But it might mean letting yourself cry in front of your wife; taking your car to a mechanic; staying home with the children while your wife brings in the salary; or dancing however you want to dance, at least in the privacy of your own home.