Trying to understand behavior

[KellyV GG]

What I get out of this is that Kelly's BF is saying "Feed me, feed me, feed me, I'm special, I'm misunderstood," and Kelly is knocking herself out trying to feed him and it's never enough, or it's too much, or there's something not right about it.

Don't you think that will balance out in time? Or have I been such an enabler that it won't unless I start ignoring it and let him do his thing? Phew...I need a vacation.

I applaud you Kelly for making the effort and i do hope your b/f gets over it and comes around and realizes how damn lucky he really is *hugz*

Thank you Natasha...

I am a guy that simply likes to dress as fully as possible - mostly for blending.

Do you mean personality blending? How long did it take you to find that balance.

My life basically rocks.

How cool is it for anyone to be able to say that?!

I started a thread awhile ago here's the link it might help you understand My thoughts on our struggle with it.http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...d.php?t=103226 .

Thanks for the link! I do understand that the equation probably never changes no matter what mode he/she is in..but the difficult thing to wrap my mind around is the alter ego aspect, or the ability to move back and forth between sides until, maybe...I don't know, like Kathi mentioned, you find a place where you're blended. Meanwhile until that happens isn't it all very confusing? Certainly is from this side of things. Thanks again for the great posts and info....

It is in effect a female puberty that he is going through - it takes time to explore and understand what it all means and to get the initial excitement of new experiences under his belt.

Wow Satrana...thank you for this post. So, if I understand correctly...essentially, the repressed female personality has to go through a muturing process on it's own since it's been repressed for so long? That sure sounds like a personality split. Does the grown up male side know that he's dealing with an immature female side? Or is it just like a massive adrenaline rush, which is what I am seeing in him and her right now. It looks a bit bipolar. Sounds like a confusing state to be in.

The fun and escapism of having an alter ego is addictive and many CDs are happy to keep two seperate identities. This is an unhealthy situation and a difficult one to accommodate inside a relationship. You are quite right to demand that this type of split personality is not going to work and you expect him, in due course with your support, to become self-accepting and fuse his femininity into his normal personality. He needs to be just him irregardless of what clothes he wears. He needs to be able to feel feminine without having to always resort to the trigger mechanism of dressing up.

Is self acceptance all it takes to get there? And if you're happy simply living a part of you out through an alter ego...which is something I'm concerned about..how do I get him past that place into the place where he wants to be integrated? Am I making this more complicated than it is???

But as others have said you need to be patient, this is going to take a while. Don't fall for the trap of resenting him and his dressing because that will destroy your relationship. It is like dealing with a kid - one minute they make you laugh, the next they make you want to tear your hair out. But kids grow up and so will your SO if you give him the space and support.

Thanks for that. It certainly would be easy to resent it all as it does seem to be taking over his life right now. But thanks to all of you I think I get it, but it is such a self centered, self absorbed activity (if that's the right word). But I can live thru this if it means finding some balance at some point. But I am not completely sure about how to be supportive and give him space at the same time.

One other thing, his sensitivity about his dressing as being considered as something wrong - you need to reassure him that is not the case, rather it is the split personality that is wrong. His job is to integrate his feelings so that you can have a normal life together with a single person, your job is to accept femininity is normal and healthy in men and not to judge him by expecting masculine stereotypical behavior from him.

Thank you

A CD is the same as a tomboy except that isolation and shame forces us into a closeted fantasyland of escapism and using coping mechanisms like a split personality. A tomboy is not weird or unnatural, you may consider yourself one, but tomboys do not follow the contorted path that CDs do. However it does not have to be this way if you are prepared to offer a guiding hand back to reality.

Well put, thank you. Actually, although I am a very girly girl, I do drive a custom Jeep, study martial arts, do alot of extreme sports where I am often the only girl involved. So I get that. But thank you for expressing that so beautifully.