Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
We know that many coming out outcomes are disastrous. But those who encourage the coming out aren't there for the consequences.
Nor are we there for the triumphs. Really at least in my case I would love to be there for both, although the disasters would be less likely because we, who have been out and about, would be there to help direct or control the situation. We can see the train wreck coming and temper it. Personally I will not work with CD who just wants to dress up and then stay home (or in a hotel room) who just wants me to make them up, dress them up and then expect to "play". But I will work with CD who wants to get out, to work on their look (no matter what that is I do have fetish friends). But I do love the triumphs, the look of happiness you can see when someone is finally able to be out as who they really are.

So you see a photo of a CDer in a motel room and make the assumption that it's because of shame.
and I agree with Veronica on this, what else can you assume? OK maybe the weather precluded you from going outside. But wouldn't you rather post a photo of you on your walk? (you can still use the timer) or with a group of people? Or at a nice place? In front of the Empire State building? Yes it is an assumption but it is based on fact and often true. Especially when the accompanying post says "I finally got away from my SO and was t a hotel in another city where I could dress up without having the fear of being caught or seen" (Totally a amalgamation of several posts of similar ilk)

But who said I have to have a part?
No one said you have to, but it would be nice if you would. So many here complain about not "being able" but then they shy away from making it happen. I am sure that MLK would have been a lot happier and safer being a minister in a small church somewhere. Well as happy as a man who was considered a second class citizen , who was told that he could not certain things, that some rights were meant for other and not for him. He could have lived his life in relative peace. But he didn't. Cesar Chavez? Same thing. The people at Stonewall...could have crawled away and just gone back to what they were doing. Gloria Steinem, Margret Sanger, Susan B Anthony. Could have just stayed home. Granted now that these people are still struggling to get total equality under the law, but they started the ball rolling.
I'm perfectly content to dress in private, sometimes in hotel rooms, and I have no need to further the cause of greater public acceptance of crossdressing. There really is nothing in it for me [
You are right, nothing for you and once again I will reference the poem written after WWII by Rev Martin Niemöller,
so any steps I take to come out benefit CDers who want to be out. If I feel differently, I will reconsider what actions I might take.
Hopefully just before they come for you.

A TS most certainly has a different approach to coming out,
As would any sub-group here. And this is an issue that I don't like to see here. WE have such infighting between sub-groups we don't get much accomplished as a whole. However when was teh last post you saw by a "TS" who said "OMG I am so afrid of what the world will say I will just hide and wait until things get better on their own"? Hey, any thing we post here is to help support or advance the OP's life, I hope.

Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
... being in the closet hurts your own spirit. If you're also closeted to the extent that you hate yourself, then that begins to hurt the rest of us because most people who hate themselves promote social policies to punish themselves.
It really does. If I may put my personal experience in this (from years of being "just a CD" and now identifying as a "TS"), I was not a happy camper, I was angry and withdrawn and unsocial. As Lori, I am none of those things and it is spilling over to my "en drab" life. People like me..people really really like me. It could be said for many things in life we keep bottled up and hidden. Bad marriages, bad jobs, living where you don't want to live, not finishing your degree, not writing that book. So many things we DON'T do because we are so busy doing what others think we SHOULD do. It takes awhile for many to see this, that life is short enough, that by not being happy it makes it worse.



People who actively CD but are deeply closeted become so adept at hiding that lying can become second nature to them.
and it becomes easy and then it becomes routine and then you spill it over to other things.
People that are deeply closeted eventually become people that can't be trusted.
This is how the SO's see it also. What else do you lie about? Now when you say you have a business trip, how do I know you have business? Trust is equity, it takes time to build but seconds to destroy.





CD's don't need to walk around with a badge on, but they do need to learn to walk around secure in the knowledge of who they are, and that its totally okay.
As long as "we" believe the bad press, we will never see ourselves as good and decent people. Admit it, when you are complimented as an outstanding individual, you get that fleeting moment of "ah but if you only knew what I did last night in the hotel room...you would have a different idea". It takes away the specialty of who you are. My hope is that someday, at least the fear of being "discovered" will be moot.



Acceptance is the hardest part. Self acceptance is an amazing thing.
My new mantra. And true. When you feel good, you project that. When you project that people actually see you as someone who has something they need or want. They want to know you, they want to be with you. This is a self perpetuating thing. Look at athletes, people tell them they are good, they get better, them people tell them they are really good, then they get jobs where you wonder how they got it. It works in most professions, confidence builds business.





Quote Originally Posted by VeronicaMoonlit View Post
There are consquences to everything...you could get run over by a car but that doesn't stop you from going outside you house en drab does it? One could also take steps to reduce the likelyhood of bad outcomes. Besides, the more acceptance trans people have in general, the less likely bad things are likely to happen, yes?
and 99% of what we worry about never happens unless we make it happen. I only regret the things I didn't do, I learned from the failures I did.

"closets are for clothes...not people" Thy hurt your spirit more than anything else.
And at the end of the day you have to be happy for yourself. Other than your SO and children, you are the most important person in your life. Although I still shelter my father and brother from "me" and this is probably a wrong move, my family should accept me from love, not by what I present but by what I do. How did MLK put it
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
. It is not far off the mark here. Change a word or two. I have a dream children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the clothing they wear, the feelings about themselves, how they present physically to the world, , but by the content of their character.

As long as people see things as "different" from what they are, there will be prejudice. But as time goes by and these things become more common, then "different" becomes less noticeable. Hiding does not do this. It does not mean we need to be "in your face", not at all, but we do have to be seen. In order to do that "we" have to take the first step and accept ourselves.

But don't worry, I am going to present and represent. Small spit in the ocean thing but maybe someday our children will be able to wear what they like, love who they want, live a life that does not have to be hidden. Yes I have a dream, I may not make it to the mountain top with you, but someday "our" people will stand upon it (OK got a little maudlin there sorry)