Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
If you are TS, you should NOT pretend that you aren't nor should you give the impression that you are staying on a middle path "for her". I don't think she wants to be married to a transsexual who is a reluctant male since as you describe, this condemns her to living a life with a male who is not fully present in his male life and also waiting for the other shoe to drop, not knowing when your proverbial bell will ring and you will feel compelled to pursue transition ... as happens with other TSs.
Like V said, this is true/important/etc.

I guess it just depends which one is more needy/dependant in the relationship, but so many people here seem to be either torturing themselves by trying to appease a spouse who doesn't approve of who they really are, or they're torturing their spouse by just constantly pushing their pseudo-transition further and further.

"I would transition in a second if..." and then there is the excuse for being afraid.

I've lived this all too much to be aggressively critical of it, though. I can sit here all day and assure people that all the happy ones out there are saying, "Why didn't I get over my fears sooner?" But, in the end, this is a pretty intense struggle we go through in our own minds, feeling crazy, feeling narcissistic, feeling like we're throwing so much away no matter what we do, and honestly not being able to put our finger on how important our trans-ness is in the grand scheme of things. We don't want to rock the boat, but we need to rock the boat. And it feels more like instability and sabotaging your own life.

In the end, we all need to realize that denying your trans-ness will not make you any happier than a gay guy denying his gay-ness and staying married. Sure, you've got this wonderful friend that you love, but you're both missing out on so much of life by not being honest. But there's not much you can say to someone who looks in the mirror now and then and says, "Hey, dumbass, do you really want to ruin what you have so you can pursue this dream of being a weirdo?"

Because people are afraid of change. And often confused about the value of what they have vs. the potential of what they could have.

You can get over loss. But having to live everyday with not taking a chance that you know you should is rough.

It's hard to see the reality of your own life and relationships. If people can be in abusive relationships and convince themselves they need that relationship, what hope does someone have who is in a kinda-OK relationship where the only real issue is that your wife wants to be with a guy and you hate living as a guy?

If these kinds of relationships could find a happy compromise, that would be awesome, but it always seems more like a middle-ground where everybody is unhappy. And the years go on.